Saturday Night Live/Lindsay Lohan/Coldplay
Lindsay Lohan/Coldplay is the twentieth episode of the thirtieth season of Saturday Night Live, and the five hundred and eighty-eighth episode overall. It is the second episode on which Lindsay Lohan has hosted and also the second on which Coldplay acted as musical guest.
- Hardball - Media Controversies: Chris Matthews (Hammond) examines two controversies affecting the news media—Newsweek being told to back off of a story and the New York Post putting a nearly naked Saddam Hussein on the front cover of their paper. He talks to Newsweek reporter Michael Isikoff (Parnell) and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (Rudolph). Isikoff goes through his process of determining whether or not the source is lying, which mainly consists of Newsweek asking the source if they're lying. Matthews then questions Rice about whether or not the government is losing its handle on the media, to which she responds by threatening to invade Newsweek or starting their own paper with pictures of journalists like Matthews in their underwear. Getting the picture, Matthews introduces Zell Miller (Forte) to "scream about God knows what," and Miller talks about how in the past he would form a mob and burn down the newspaper offices if they printed something he didn't like.
- Lindsay Lohan's Monologue: The future version of Lindsay Lohan (Poehler) warns Lohan about partying so much, because her bones will turn to dust and she'll get married to Tommy Lee. She also describes the state of her career in the future, which has been reduced to introducing softcore porn on Cinemax. When Lohan asks her future self if she's happy in 30 years, future Lohan says that she's from 2007.
- Woomba: Several women (Rudolph, Dratch, Poehler and Fey) profess their enthusiasm for the Woomba, an automated feminine hygiene product created by the company that made Roomba. The announcer explains that the robot cannot be turned off and the women are shown in several uncomfortable situations with the Woomba intruding upon them, including one of a woman running in terror of the robot.
- America's Next Top Model: On the season finale of America's Next Top Model, Tyra Banks (Rudolph) narrows the potential winners of the contest down to three people, Kaiceey (Lohan), Kahlua (Dratch) and a one-legged woman named Amber (Poehler). The judges, Nolé Martin (Sanz), Therkeal Epps (Mitchell) and Janice Dickinson (Fey), are introduced, and they quickly go to the contestants' "best shots." Because all of their pictures are so bad, they are forced to go into a "pose off," which the judges deliberate over during a commercial previewing an episode Britney & Kevin: Chaotic featuring Britney Spears (Dratch) and Kevin Federline (Meyers). They decide that the winner of the show is Kaiceey, who bursts into tears and decides to drop out of law school.
- At the Movies: A couple (Dratch and Parnell) are at a movie theater to see Monster-in-Law, but after they sit down, a large group of people dressed up as Star Wars characters enter and sit in the row behind them. When they're told that they might be in the wrong theater, a girl dressed as Princess Amidala (Lohan) chastises Bernie (Meyers) for not bringing his credit card and forcing them to miss the sold out first showing of the new Star Wars movie. Arguments continue when two patrons (Thompson and Mitchell) ask the girl to "take off that crazy headdress," the two people dressed as Anakin Skywalker (Armisen and Forte) confront each other and the man dressed as Chewbacca (Riggle) complains about how hot it is. Eventually a man who appears to be dressed as Obi-Wan (Hammond) questions someone about "these wars in stars you speak of" when asked if he didn't get tickets to Star Wars either. When an usher (Poehler) comes by, the original couple complains about the row behind them talking which causes the usher to mistakenly discipline the two black men in the back.
- TV Funhouse - Divertor: When seemingly everyone is talking about the massive 4 trillion dollar deficit facing the nation, the president calls in Divertor to create a celebrity scandal to take attention away from them. He uses his invisible ray to make Sinbad expose himself in a room full of children. When the prospect of mutating agents in the water supply comes up, Divertor is called out again to make Jenna Elfman appear to own slaves and Mike Tyson eat a live golden retriever. Divertor later says that he had nothing to do with Tyson eating the dog.
- Appalachian Emergency Room - Flood Lights/Lightsaber/Hermit Crab: The patients Nerod (Meyers) admits are: Percy (Hammond) and Netti Bo Dance (Poehler), who were electrocuted when the flood lights on Percy's tractor came in contact with Netti taking a shower in the driveway; Willie Tater (Armisen), who burned his face when he was playing "Star Wars swords" using curling irons with his cousin; Jake Denmont (Thompson), who got a hermit crab stuck to his nose when he was showing off to some girls, forcing his mother (Rudolph) to bring him in; Jeraklynn Dubet (Lohan), was attacked by a dog while practicing her "charleadering" moves in a parking lot, although she really just wants to know if they're hiring; a pimp (Mitchell) who rolls in his "employee" (Dratch) in a shopping cart because she "irritated her tee-tahs on a stripper pole"; and Tyler (Parnell), who has an extra large Sharpie stuck in him.
- Speed of Sound: Coldplay song.
- Weekend Update:
- A gay couple, Danni Sanz-Cox (Rudolph) and Chris Cox-Sanz (Dratch), reflects on a year of being legally married. In most cases, their marriage is just like a heterosexual couple in that they argue and one of them pretended to be asleep so she wouldn't have to have sex with the other. They also comment that clearly heterosexuals have perfected marriage, giving Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley as an example.
- Weekend Update has brought Al Sharpton (Thompson) and Vicente Fox (Armisen) together so that Sharpton can confront Fox over his comments that black Americans are only fit for the lowest paying jobs. Sharpton demands an apology, which Fox freely gives but then starts to tell racist jokes about black people. Sharpton retaliates with a racist joke about Mexicans. Things escalate further when Poehler joins in and tells a racist joke about both of them. Eventually Sharpton and Fox unite over making fun of other races.
- Prince Show - Nick & Jessica: Prince (Armisen) introduces his co-host Beyonce Knowles (Rudolph), who again acts as his surrogate. They introduce Nick Lachey (Forte) and Jessica Simpson (Lohan), but Prince quickly disappears to lift weights before telling Simpson to sit on a cloud and play the harp. He then introduces Wanda Sykes (Thompson), who apparently sends Prince into hysterics, according to Knowles. Prince follows this up by singing a song about having an allergy attack before ending the show entirely.
- Italian Family: In Little Italy, a mob boss (Sanz) and several other mobsters (Armisen, Forte, Parnell, Riggle and Sudeikis) sit around while the boss tells them that he's gotten his wife under control. His mistress Nancy (Lohan) suddenly bursts in and breaks a rack of poker chips over one mobster's head. In a fit of anger, she continues to break things, including a television, the cappuccino machine and a bowling trophy, which causes another couple (Hammond and Dratch) to ask if anything is wrong while they're walking by. She continues on her tear until she nearly destroys another picture and forces the boss to compromise with her. They leave for dinner and dancing before she can destroy anything else.
- Fix You: Coldplay song.
- Mr. Voinic & the Babysitter: After a long night, a drunk Mr. Voinic (Parnell) drives Cindy (Lohan), the babysitter, home. He spends the ride obtusely attempting to hit on her by indulging her dreams of working on a cruise ship and attempting to seem hip by singing Green Day songs and talking about raves. He also attempts to get her drunk off a bottle of wine he has in the car. When they get to her house, Voinic's wife Fran (Rudolph) pops out of the backseat and makes him move over so that she can drive home.
- Bear City - Mom's Going Shopping: The mother of a bear family leaves to go shopping, and her son puts a pornographic video tape into the VCR. The mother comes back in when she realizes that she forgot the shopping list and catches him masturbating to the tape.
"Live from New York, It's Saturday Night!"
- Speed of Sound, performed by Coldplay: "Speed of Sound" is the lead single off Coldplay's third album, X&Y. The song was created when the band was attempting to work through a cover of "Running Up That Hill" by Kate Bush, and shades of the main riff in Bush's song can be heard in the Coldplay original. "Speed of Sound" was notable for being controversially beaten at the top of the UK singles charts by "Axel F," a novelty ringtone song that inexplicably took Britain by storm.
- Fix You, performed by Coldplay: In some countries, "Fix You" was released as the second single off of X&Y. It is the only song on the album which features all four members of the band singing simultaneously. They also performed the song on Shelter from the Storm: A Concert for the Gulf Coast and have donated profits from an EP featuring it to charitable organizations aiding New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina.
- Final Appearance: This is the final appearance of the Bear City sketches. Sketch creator, writer and director T. Sean Shannon left the show after this season and it is unlikely that any further installments of the sketch will appear on the show.
Behind the Scenes
- Final Show: At the end of the episode, during the good nights, Horatio Sanz can be seen with a sign saying "Good Luck, PP!" The sign refers to Paula Pell, who was leaving the series as a writer to create a sitcom called Thick and Thin. She is also prominently featured on-screen during the credits.