Saturday Night Live/Will Ferrell/Queens of the Stone Age

Will Ferrell/Queens of the Stone Age
Season 30, Episode 19
Airdate	May 14, 2005
Production Number	1401
Written by	Tina Fey Andrew Steele (head writers) Doug Abeles Leo Allen James Anderson Alex Baze Liz Cackowski James Downey Charlie Grandy Steve Higgins Joe Kelly Erik Kenward John Lutz Lorne Michaels Matt Murray Paula Pell Lauren Pomerantz Frank Sebastiano T. Sean Shannon Eric Slovin Robert Smigel JB Smoove Emily Spivey Rich Talarico Kevin Ruf (additional sketch) Robert Smigel Louis CK Dino Stamatopoulos (cartoon)
Directed by	Beth McCarthy Miller
← 30x18 Johnny Knoxville/System of a Down	30x20 → Lindsay Lohan/Coldplay
Saturday Night Live — Season Thirty

Will Ferrell/Queens of the Stone Age is the nineteenth episode of the thirtieth season of Saturday Night Live. It is the first appearance by former cast member Will Ferrell as host, as well as by musical guest Queens of the Stone Age.

Guest Stars: Will Ferrell (Host), Queens of the Stone Age (Musical Guest)

Cartoon Voices: Erik Bergman, Chris Phillips, Bryan Kennedy, Michelle Blakely (Girl)

Episode Breakdown

• Will's Thoughts: Ten minutes before the show goes on air, Ferrell goes around backstage and talks to various members of the cast pleasantly, although his thoughts paint a different picture. In his head, he calls Fey a "dumb bitch" for not recognizing his ascent into stardom and he can't remember Parnell's name (eventually settling on "chief"). When he runs into Poehler, she tells him about how much she liked Kicking and Screaming although she's secretly offended that Mike Ditka was in the movie and not her) and is still bitter about being cut out of Anchorman. After they part ways, Ferrell runs into Mitchell and starts repeating "Finesse, not Keenan" in his head to prevent that awkward mistake. Of course, he screws it up and Thompson wins his five dollar bet that Ferrell wouldn't be able to tell the two apart. Ferrell walks down another hallway and, much to his chagrin, runs into Lorne Michaels, who goes off on a long speech about how tense it can be for a former cast member to host for the first time. He ducks out of the conversation by telling Michaels to look the other way before saying "live from New York."
• Will Ferrell's Monologue: Ferrell talks about how excited he is to be hosting the show that he dedicated seven years of his life to. But, he says that he's not nervous. In fact, he insists that the audience has calmed him and sings "On A Clear Day You Can See Forever," but while he's singing he appears to pee his pants. He ventures out into the audience to talk with someone sitting near the stage (writer Steven Higgins) about how nice it is in New York, but the audience member isn't happy about being so close to Ferrell's crotch, which is getting wetter by the second. He finally acknowledges the urine at the end of his song.
• Celebrity Jeopardy - Bill Cosby, Sharon Osbourne and Sean Connery: Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek (Ferrell) recaps the audience on how Celebrity Jeopardy has been going for the contestants. That is to say, it hasn't been going well at all. Bill Cosby (Thompson) is in 2nd with -$82,300, in 1st place is Sharon Osbourne (Poehler) with -$82,400 and finally, Sean Connery is in last place with -$120,000. After a lewd comment from Connery, Trebek presents the categories for Double Jeopardy: Potent Potables, Colors That Are Red, Japan US Relations, How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up, Black Comedians Named "Whoopi," The Letter That Comes After "B" and Automatic Points. Osbourne picks "How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up" for $400 and manages to get "three" wrong, while Cosby doesn't answer the question at all and instead chastises Osbourne for shouting "motherfucker!" After a couple more questions without answers, Connery picks "Japan US Relations," which he pronounces "Jap Anus Relations" and Trebek opts to go to Final Jeopardy. He asks the contestants to write a math problem that a first grader could answer. Cosby wrote "Frazzle Snazzle" and wagered "Bleeble Blabble." Osbourne write a word that had to be censored and Connery wrote "0 + 0 - 0 = 0." Trebek tries to end the show on this high note, but Connery insists that he find out what was wagered. The wager turns the answer into "poop."
• Oracle Conclave 2005: At a Ramada Inn, Oracle is holding a conference for its employees, which features singing by sales VPs Carlos (Armisen), Robin (Forte) and Joan (Rudolph), who sing a parody of "Gloria." Host James Filau thanks the three for singing and starts to move into the rest of day's jokes, but runs into technical difficulties with his microphone, the music's volume, a slide show with only three pictures. When he tries to make up for the slide show, he trips over some cables while trying to do his "signature rap" and finally gives up on the conference.
• Para Ti-Cyclen: A woman (Poehler) is featured in a commercial for a kind of birth control that is more suitable for her lifestyle. That is, the lifestyle a woman who is constantly having sex with every man she meets. Throughout the commercial, Poehler lets over eight men into her home (Armisen, Forte, Mitchell, Sudeikis, Thompson), including four Japanese tourists, a teenager playing video games and a fish market worker (Sanz). The voice-over warns users to abstain from sex for an hour per day, that it won't work if the user has more than 200 sexual encounters per week or against STDs.
• Art Dealers - Basement Neighbors: Greg (Meyers) and Susan (Dratch) are renting out the basement apartment for the summer and there's a leak coming from the apartment above them. This apartment is owned my Nuni (Rudolph) and Nüni Schoener (Armisen), the art dealers. They ask about the leak but are sidetracked into sitting in their unusual chairs. The two call out Tato to jack up Susan's chair and Greg realizes that the chair made of ice must be why their ceiling is leaking. Greg tries to reason with them but he's interrupted by Noony (Ferrell), their son. Noonie performs a pop song about insecurity for them and is fed beef paste by Tato. Greg and Susan eventually give up stopping the leak and leave before things get any weirder.
• Little Sister: Queens of the Stone Age song.
• Weekend Update:
  • Steven Aisley (Meyers), a longtime aide to John Bolton, defends his boss from accusations that he is a violent maniac who abuses his subordinates. He claims that his injuries came from walking into a door and not from Bolton throwing hot coffee in his face or being kicked down a flight of stairs. Poehler tells Aisley that Bolton probably isn't watching and he begs her for help since she seems like she knows what it's like to be around a mean, abusive bully. Fey threatens them with a knife and Aisley leaves after giving Poehler a bus ticket and the name of a shelter in Ohio.
• Pepper Grinder: At a high class restaurant, Dr. Lewis Roberts (Forte) and his wife Jamie (Dratch) are waiting for their waiter to take their order. Their waiter turns out to be Kevin, a friend of their son from high school. Kevin divulges to the two that he's considering dropping out of Stanford and Lewis tries to convince him otherwise. His wife orders two dinner salads to tell Dr. Roberts to stop in private, but when the salads come back, he decides to continue to teach Kevin a lesson by making him grind pepper until his arm starts to burn. Despite protests from both Kevin and Mrs. Roberts, the grinding continues until Kevin decides to go back to school afterall.
• TV Funhouse - Shazzang: An evil rajah has stolen the Flaming Ruby of Taruba and trapped two kids between walls that are slowly pushing towards one another. They call their friend Shazzang, a genie, to save them and get the jewel back but he takes things way too far. He starts dismember the villain and make puns about cannibalism until he cries about pleasing his father with all the over-the-top violence.
• Goulet Ring Tones: Three friends are at a bar (Poehler, Meyers) when one of them (Sudeikis) answers his phone. The others comment on how terrible his ringtone is, which leads one to suggest that Robert Goulet (Ferrell) make some new ringtones featuring Goulet's singing. He sings several of them and offers the Robert Goulet cell phone, which is shaped like his head. Goulet levels with the audience by saying that he's in a jam and he needs to unload a bunch of the Goulet heads, even though they don't work.
• Going 2 C Movies: Terrye Funck (Parnell) and Vasquez Gomez-Vasquez (Sanz) review movies on a community access show, but instead of reviewing a movie, they interview someone who works at the rental store, Levi Funderstump (Ferrell). Funderstump gives them some free VHS tapes like Down Periscope and Welcome to Mooseport. They finally get around to reviewing Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, but Funderstump is interrupted by Funck who complains about his breath. They eventually get back to the review and Vasquez complains about the lack of Jar Jar Binks.
• In My Head: Queens of the Stone Age song.
• Luxury: At a bar, a man wearing an eye patch named Dr. Richard Laverne (Ferrell) joins a woman named Katherine Jaqueneau (Rudolph) and asks her if she likes luxury. He claims to be a spokesperson for Jaguar, "the finest motor car in the world." He tells her that she's a spy for the Swiss government, that he killed a man in an elevator and asks if he could sketch her in his apartment 12 hours away. She accepts his offer, but his lie unravels entirely when he tells her that he doesn't have a car. The conversation is repeated by a patron (Sanz) at the bar and they exchange an envelope. Apparently, Laverne is a spy after all and he was talking to the wrong contact.

Notes

"Live from New York, It's Saturday Night!"

• Will Ferrell as himself.

Music

• On A Clear Day You Can See Forever, performed by Will Ferrell: The song that Will Ferrell sang during the monologue was "On a Clear Day You Can See Forever," originally performed by Tony Bennett.
  

  

  Ferrell plays the cowbell as Gene Frenkle.

• Little Sister, performed by Queens of the Stone Age: For their first performance, Queens of the Stone Age played "Little Sister" from their 2005 album Lullabies to Paralyze. The song was the first single from the album and was originally considered for release on Songs for the Deaf with Foo Fighters and former Nirvana member Dave Grohl on drums. During the song, the band is joined by "Gene Frenkle," Ferrell's character from the Blue Öyster Cult Behind the Music sketch, playing the cowbell.

• In My Head, performed by Queens of the Stone Age: Queens of the Stone Age's second performance was of "In My Head," also from Lullabies to Paralyze. The song was their second single from the album, but first appeared on Desert Sessions Vols. 9 & 10. The 2003 version of the song featured non-band members Dean Ween (from Ween) and Josh Freese in addition to the usual members of the band.

Trivia

The Show

• Visible Prop: When Ferrell starts singing during the monologue, he can be clearly seen fiddling with a white tube in his right pocket. The tube was the device that was simulating Ferrell wetting his pants during the song.
• Ending Cameo: During the ending credits, two people were shown in the audience. The two are Lee and Kay Ferrell, Will Ferrell's parents.