Saturday Night Live/Topher Grace/The Killers

Topher Grace/The Killers is the ninth episode of the thirtieth season of Saturday Night Live, and the five hundred and seventy-seventh episode overall. It is the first appearance for both the host and musical guest on the series.

Guest Stars: Topher Grace (Host), The Killers (Musical Guest)

Episode Breakdown

• Tsunami Press Conference: Fredricka Whitfield (Rudolph) reports on President George W. Bush (Forte) giving a press conference along with former presidents Bill Clinton (Hammond) and George H. W. Bush (Armisen). Bush describes the recent hurricane and mudslides as being "crazy Bible times" weather on which he has subsequently declared war. He then takes questions from the press. Margaret (Poehler) asks how Bush responds to critics of his slow response time to the tsunami in southeast Asia. Other reporters (Meyers and Mitchell) also ask Bush about the tsunami, which prompts him to give a long and befuddled answer only to be shown up by the superior linguistic skills of Clinton. Clinton also interrupts Bush, Sr. when he attempts to get a word in as well. Bush, Jr. simply agrees with Clinton's sentiments. Sharon (Dratch) moves the discussion away from the tsunami to the called-off search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, but Bush is at a loss and asks Clinton for help. Bush, Sr. admits the press likes it more when Clinton says what Bush has been trying to say, and Clinton takes the time to make several other comments to the press while the Bushes give him the chance.
• Topher Grace's Monologue: Grace takes questions from the audience, starting with a man who says he's very happy Grace is hosting the show instead of Jennifer Garner. Garner was originally meant to host the show, but she hurt her back. The man, however, claims the reason why Garner isn't on the show is because Ben Affleck gave her syphilis. Grace insists not everything on the Internet is true, to which the man responds by saying there are some gross rumors about him on the website that he started. Grace moves on to another audience member (Sudeikis), who asks what the deal is with "Topher." Grace explains "Topher" is short for "Christopher," but the audience member takes it the wrong way and thinks Grace is saying he's "too classy" to be just called Chris. Grace moves on to Terrell (Smoove) and his wife (Pell), who demand to know where Garner is. Terrell accuses Grace of being a racist when he asks if Terrell missed the beginning of the monologue and storms out. One last audience member asks Grace about how the New York Jets managed to miss two field goals in a row.
• Trucker Talk: Leadfoot Cowboy (Grace), Stink Finger (Riggle) and Whiskey Dick (Parnell) have a heart-to-heart conversation with each other about Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston breaking up. Also joining in on the conversation is Skeeter (Hammond), who's been in the back of Whiskey Dick's truck. After a while, "Fastlane" (Armisen), a nerd with a CB radio in his basement, breaks in on their banter and tells them the situation doesn't matter because they'll never meet these people. He tells them they're as bad as the paparazzi, so they all run into his house and make it explode.
• Martin Luther King Day Paramedics: Two paramedics (Poehler and Meyers) come back from an emergency to find two black paramedics named Kendall (Mitchell) and Wilmore (Thompson) sitting. The alarm goes off, and Ricky (Grace), the supervisor, tries to send the two black paramedics out to a car wreck. They, however, are refusing to go because it's Martin Luther King Day and manage to guilt the first two paramedics into going on another run. After they leave, Logan (Armisen) and Martinez (Sanz) come in from another run, and another call comes in for paramedics. They protest, and Martinez tries to claim he deserves MLK Day off as well, but winds up going anyway. With no one else left and the two clearly having no idea what the holiday is about, they're forced to go out on a job delivered by another paramedic (Riggle), in which plus-sized models were injured.
• CBS Evening Fraudulent Document Update: Dan Rather (Hammond) gives an update on fraudulent documents which may have been used for the foundation of a 60 Minutes report. He says his subsequent apology for the scandal was at least insincere, if not fraudulent. Also proved to be fraudulent are the ratings for 60 Minutes, Rather's birth certificate and his bikini inspector license.
• Beaver Ranch: Thew (Forte), Tyler (Grace) and a third friend (Meyers) go to a brothel to pick up prostitutes. Thew and the other friend wind up going off with two separate prostitutes (Poehler and Rudolph), leaving Tyler stuck with an elderly prostitute named Dot (Dratch). Dot tries to seduce Tyler with alcohol, jazz music and "sex toys," but Tyler gets increasingly comfortable with the situation. Dot strips and adjusts her bed, but Tyler tries to escape. She winds up talking him down and having sex with him in a montage about what Tyler learned that night.
• Somebody Told Me: The Killers song.
• Weekend Update:
  • Thanks to a young British woman who was at the party where Prince Harry wore an infamous Nazi costume, Weekend Update is able to show a video of the occasion. In the party, everyone is dressed in inappropriate, racist costumes, such as a Ku Klux Klan outfit, a man in blackface and a woman dressed as Hitler.
  • Cliff (Thompson) and Claire Huxtable (Rudolph) are recognized as positive role models within the African American community. Claire talks seriously about the values they passed down to their children and how they managed to raise such a large family, and she delivers an impassioned speech about how Poehler can't keep her down and how Fey is a proud African-American woman. While she's doing this, Cliff makes snide wisecracks.
• Art Dealers - Web Designer: Brian (Grace) has been hired by two art dealers to develop a website for their gallery and is invited to their home along with his girlfriend Pam (Dratch). Nuni (Rudolph) and Nüni (Armisen) have a long conversation on how to pronounce their similar sounding names. The guests are given strange food, forced to sit on uncomfortable furniture and have Tato (Parnell) play loud techno music. Eventually, Brian makes up an excuse to leave.
• Hardball - Worst of 2005: Chris Matthews (Hammond) hosts a show about whether or not 2005 can actually get any worse than it already has. Among the people on his panel is former governor Howard Dean (Riggle), who is asked why he believes he can run the Democratic party. Matthews says it's because he has a deranged look in his eye, but Dean says he can alienate everyone in a publicly humiliating fashion. Matthews also brings out Armstrong Williams (Thompson), a disgraced journalist who was paid off by the government for positive stories, to talk about whether or not he's biased, but Williams spends the interview shilling for products. Finally, Zell Miller (Forte) discusses tsunami protection but goes off on a tangent about punishing and shooting tsunamis while his face grows extremely red.
• The Not Incredible Adventures of the Down and Out Dollar: Faced with a declining exchange rate, the dollar (Poehler) is bullied by the Euro (Grace), who makes fun of her for being poorer than a slew of small European countries. The pound (Meyers) shows up to make fun of her, as well as Peso (Sanz) and Yen (Rudolph). They flashback to long ago when the dollar was threatening the other bills with violence if they don't do what she says. The four go off to shop and the dollar sings about how bad the economy is with the Canadian loonie (Forte).
• Mr. Brightside: The Killers song.

Notes

"Live from New York, It's Saturday Night!"

• Darrell Hammond as Former President Bill Clinton.

Music

• Somebody Told Me, performed by The Killers: Released in 2004 on their debut album Hot Fuss, this song about the damage rumors can do to a relationship was the Las Vegas-based Killers' first single. It was a moderate hit, but it has received much more play in clubs than on the radio or television.

• Mr. Brightside, performed by The Killers: The Killers' second single, also off Hot Fuss. It has charted higher in the US than "Somebody Told Me," but it is less familiar to casual listeners.