Top Gear/Season 10 Episode 10

Season 10 Episode 10
Season 10, Episode 10
Airdate	December 23, 2007
Written by
Directed by	Brian Klein
← 10x09 Season 10 Episode 9	10x10 → Season 10 Episode 10
Top Gear — Season Ten

Episode Ten of the tenth season of Top Gear, and is episode ninety-one overall.

Guest Stars: David Tennant

Information

Jaguar XF

James May reviews the Jaguar XF. But first he takes a look back at the Jaguar S-Type. The S-Type really, really bothers May and sums up everything wrong with Jaguar. Jaguar created the S-Type in an attempt to appeal to the Germans and the Americans. What's wrong with that? Well, these foreign buyers have an outdated view of what Britain is and Jaguar pandered to this view with the S-Type. Case in point with the S-Type's ghastly retro grill. Now comes the replacement for the S-Type: the Jaguar XF.

The XF has a new grill, subtly bulging hood and gills on the side. And the back looks like it came from a Jaguar XK. The XF sounds like an XK, too. It's the first Jaguar May has been in that made him feel he was in the right decade. Inside you have a red start engine button that pulsates like a heart beat. You push it once to turn the ignition on and you're immediately bathed in pale blue light and the air conditioning vents roll into place. Put your foot on the brake and push the start engine button again to start the car and a control knob emerges from the center console which controls the gear change. Once you look past the XF's futuristic touches, it's not all cutting edge. Its basic structure is from the S-Type and its suspension is taken from the XK. The engines are all old hat with an available V6 diesel, V6 petrol and V8 petrol with or without a supercharger. You get the sense that Jaguar is not pushing the limits of technology, but of its overdraft.

As a sedan, the Jaguar XF goes like a four-door XK. May's review model has the supercharged 4.2 L V8 engine that pushes the XF from 0-60 in 5.1 seconds. But this won't be the fastest XF as Jaguar will be producing an XFR model with even more power. One criticism May has about his review model is that its ride is harder than you'd expect in a Jaguar, but it still wipes the floor with an Audi A6. And when it comes to value, the XF beats the BMW 5 Series. Every model in the XF range comes with leather, the excellent paddle shift automatic gearbox, touch screen satellite navigation, electric seats and decent alloy wheels.

The Jaguar XF is very good, but it also means Jaguar has finally found the balls to make a sedan that belongs in the present.

BMW M3, Mercedes-Benz C63 AMG, Audi RS4

With a new BMW M3 out, Richard Hammond takes it to the Stig's favorite holiday resort in Spain. Behind all the security of the resort lies pleasant gardens, a pool and a top-notch restaurant. And it also has a 5.5 km race track. It was built as a plaything for a Dutch oil billionaire and features corners from the best race tracks around the world. It's almost as fantastic as the M3.

The old M3 had a straight six engine whereas the new M3 is packing a 4.0 L V8 that revs up to 8,300 rpm. It's softer than the old car and more forgiving, but it's noticeably faster and more clever. You can change the feel of the car and its performance with the iDrive control system. The M-branded limited-slip differential keeps the power going to exactly the right place at exactly the right time; sometimes it'll even lock the rear wheels together so you can pull spectacular tail slides. But a new challenger approaches.

Jeremy Clarkson roars past the BMW M3 in the Mercedes-Benz C63 AMG. It's not a car, it's a complete animal. It has a 6.2 L V8 engine producing 450 bhp, so the "oomph" is as phenomenal as the noise it makes. Not only is it louder, more powerful and more exciting than the BMW M3, but its simpler and even has an automatic gearbox. There are, however, one or two things Clarkson isn't sure about. He's not too fond of its looks and how Mercedes copied BMW's iDrive control system, but the biggest problem is its traction control system. When you have it on it's constantly interfering whenever you touch the throttle. Eventually you became impatient and turn it off but, if you do that, you'd better make sure you're awake. The C63 AMG is an axe murderer with headlights and Clarkson absolutely adores it.

In the pits, Clarkson and Hammond discuss the cars. Clarkson believes the point of the BMW M3 is that you can't tell it isn't an ordinary BMW, but Clarkson points out all the M3 badges and grooves in the hood. Hammond points out all the chrome on the C63 AMG which Clarkson reluctantly agrees to not liking either. But Clarkson retorts to having a sunroof while Hammond has an ostentatious carbon fiber roof designed to keep the center of gravity low to the ground. May believes both of their cars are ostentatious and ghastly.

If you want a small, fast German sedan then you'd have an Audi RS4. May knows it's been around for a few years, but it's still marvelous. It has a 4.2 L V8 engine producing the same power as Hammond's BMW M3, but without drawing quite as much attention to itself. It has a sonorous exhaust note unlike Clarkson's "look-at-me" noise coming from his Mercedes-Benz C63 AMG. And why would you want a car that was trying to kill you? And, unlike Hammond's BMW M3, the RS4 isn't smothered in gaudy tinsel. The ride is good, its four-wheel drive system will you keep you out of the crash barriers and you don't need an IT qualification to operate it.

With all three cars together, the boys get down to discussing practicality. Clarkson tries to get into the backseat of Hammond's BMW M3, but discovers it only has two doors and the rear leg room is pitiful. Turning to the Audi RS4, Clarkson moves the seat back and completely removes the leg room for the rear passenger. When it comes down to it, the Mercedes-Benz C63 AMG has the biggest engine, the most gears, the most space in the front, the most space in the back and the biggest trunk. The three have a drag race. The Audi RS4 initially takes the lead despite its four-wheel drive system, but its lead is short-lived. The Mercedes-Benz C63 AMG wins the drag race with the BMW M3 coming in second with the Audi RS4 following closely behind.

Now it comes time to find out how fast these cars can go around the track and so they turn to their tamed racing driver: the Stig. The Stig first goes out in Emerson Fittipaldi's Lotus 72 Formula One car which won the 1972 World Championship. It produces 420 bhp; about the same amount produced by their sedans. The Stig takes the Lotus 72 around in 2.15.16. The Stig next takes the Mercedes-Benz C63 AMG and produced a time of 2.43.5. Next up is the Audi RS4 with a time of 2.43.9. The BMW M3 produces a time of 2.38.9. The M3 winning prompts Clarkson to tell the Stig he hadn't tried hard enough and that he could hit an apple on the apex of a corner at full speed. An apple is placed on a corner's apex, but Clarkson fails to hit it on multiple attempts. Clarkson decides to bet Hammond that the Stig couldn't do it in the BMW M3 and, if he succeeds, he'd eat the smashed apple bits. The Stig takes the BMW M3 around and hits the apple on the first try. There was another issue with the mad Mercedes: Clarkson's tires only lasted 35 miles.

Looking to snatch back some dignity after the apple incident and the BMW M3 going faster around the track than his Mercedes-Benz C63 AMG, Clarkson comes up with the Cock-O-Meter. It takes a picture as you approach, analyzes the image and tells you how much of a cock you look. May takes the Audi RS4 out first and gets a low score of 2. Clarkson takes the C63 AMG out next and scores a 7 out of 10. Hammond takes the BMW M3 out last and breaks the machine.

The boys decide to leave the Stig to his vacation and take each other's cars for a spin. Behind the wheel of the Audi RS4, Hammond agrees that it's a very, very nice place to be and the four-wheel drive system makes sense. May thinks the Mercedes-Benz C63 AMG is revolting and chintzy and cheesy, but has a fantastic and tremendous engine note and is fantastic. And Clarkson agrees that Hammond makes sense when talking about the BMW M3 as it's a masterpiece. All are slightly different, but all are absolutely brilliant.

Back in the studio, Clarkson reveals that the BMW M3 is the winner. Small, fast sedans are what BMW does and what Audi and Mercedes-Benz produced are copies. They're very good and brilliant copies, but copies nonetheless. However, Clarkson wouldn't buy the BMW M3 as he couldn't ignore the insanity of the Mercedes-Benz C63 AMG.

Star in a Reasonably Priced Car

This week's Star in a Reasonably Priced Car is David Tennant, a Scottish actor. David Tennant brings up how his former co-star, Billie Piper, had cut corners and drove on a track she made up on her appearance on the show. He takes issue with Clarkson not deducting seconds at the Stig's suggestion, but Clarkson tells him he couldn't as she had a completely see-through top on. David Tennant races the Chevrolet Lacetti around the test track in 1.48.8, 0.5 seconds slower than Billie Piper.

Top Gear Awards 2007

Lifetime Achievement Award
For the person whose done the most to ruin the lives of Britain's 33 million motorists. The nominees are: Ken Livingstone for the introduction of bendy buses to London, Ken Livingstone for the congestion tax, and Ken Livingstone for putting Clarkson's flat 50 yards inside the newly enlarged congestion zone. And the winner is the traffic wombles for closing motorways for six hours every time someone's door mirror falls off.

Ugliest Car of the Year
The MINI Clubman

Worst Car of the Year
At first its the MINI Clubman, but actually the award goes to the ugliest, stupidest and most dangerous car ever to stalk the Earth: the totally terrible and disgusting G-Wiz.

Worst Dressed Presenter on Top Gear
The nominees are: Richard Hammond's bicycle shorts in the London race. The winner, however, is Jeremy Clarkson for his dry suit in the British Leyland film. Clarkson disagrees, reminding everyone about how May was dressed while driving the Aston Martin V8 Vantage N24 in the best driving road in the world segment. May points out that he wasn't actually dressed at all.

Best Noise All Year
The nominees are: the Ascari A10, the Aston Martin DBS and the tunnel they went through on the Italian Riviera. And the winner is: Richard Hammond when Oliver sank.

Best Driver
This award is for the driver who has come to the track and done, not necessarily the fastest, but the best lap. The nominees are: Jennifer Saunders and Lawrence Dallaglio. The winner, however, turns out to be the fastest as it's Simon Cowell.

Car of the Year
This is the toughest award as all three presenters had to agree on the car. Clarkson nominated the Aston Martin DBS, but May believes its too expensive. Hammond nominated the Porsche 911 GT3RS, but Clarkson points out that it broke down and has scaffolding in the back. May believes its the Rolls-Royce Phantom Drophead, but Hammond and Clarkson think it's too flashy. The Audi R8 is fantastic, but Hammond wouldn't really want one. Turning to the audience for suggestions, the Fiat 500 is shot down as is the Suzuki Swift. However, there is the Ford Mondeo. May and Hammond can't think of anything wrong with it. But then there's the Subaru Legacy Outback, which is also a fantastic car. And so the award goes to either the Ford Mondeo or Subaru Legacy Outback.

Remote Control G-Wiz

The G-Wiz is not a car nor, as they claim to get around safety regulations, a "quadricyle." But, with a few modifications, it could make a good radio controlled car and Hammond decided to try it out. Hammond first pits the G-Wiz against a 500 hp Ford Shelby GT in a drag race. The Shelby GT easily beats the G-Wiz. But now they've modified the G-Wiz with ten times more battery power, rear wheels from a Formula 3 car and a lowered suspension. In a new drag race, the modified G-Wiz beats the Shelby GT. In a race around a track, Hammond uses a normal radio controlled car against the modified G-Wiz piloted remotely by the Stig. Right off the line, the Stig runs Hammond's toy car over with the G-Wiz. A backup toy car is put on the track and, near the end of the race, Hammond pilots it underneath the G-Wiz and activates a self-destruct device, blowing up the G-Wiz.

Reviews

• Overall Grade: N/A with 0 reviews
• Review Breakdown: A+: 0 A: 0 A-: 0 B+: 0 B: 0 B-: 0 C+: 0 C: 0 C-: 0 D: 0 F: 0