Late Night with Conan O'Brien/Show 2382

Show 2382
Season 14, Episode 113
Airdate	March 14, 2007
← March 13, 2007 Show 2381	March 15, 2007 → Show 2383
Late Night with Conan O'Brien — Season Fourteen

This is the one-hundred and thirteenth episode of the fourteenth season of Late Night with Conan O'Brien, and the two thousand three hundred and eighty-second overall.

Guest Stars: Andy Richter (Himself), Len Berman (Himself), The Shins (Themselves)

Episode Breakdown

• Monologue: Conan started out by mocking President George W. Bush returning to the United States after a trip to "Latin America, Latin Mexico and Latin Guatemala," the joint chief of staff stating that homosexuality is immoral "unless it's between two chicks" and Iran's anger over the depiction of Persians in 300. He then moved on to less topical events like a 13-year-old being charged with his 128th felony, a drunk man who claimed that his car was being driven by a unicorn and YouTube being sued by Viacom for over $1 billion. He caps off the monologue with a Donald Trump joke, saying that if Trump buys a prominent New York restaurant, he'll change the name to "Rosie is Fat."
• Conan in San Francisco: Before moving on to the usual post-monologue sketches, Conan announces that they'll be doing a week of shows in San Francisco at the end of April. Joel Godard interrupts and says that because his ankle bracelet throws off airplane radar and that he's afraid of trains since he saw Jaws, he's going to have to get there by road. Joel leaves the booth, exits the building, lies in a pile of garbage and has the garbage men take him to San Francisco.
• In the Year 2000: With Andy Richter.
  • Conan: After starting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, President Bush will start a war with Iran under the mistaken belief that if you start two wars, the third one is free.
  • Andy: Katie Couric will finally taste ratings success when she becomes one of those suitcase broads on Deal or No Deal.
  • Conan: People will no longer ask for blood transfusions when it's revealed that all people with the blood type O are considered property of Oprah Winfrey.
  • Andy: God will reveal that the reason he doesn't always answer peoples' prayers is because his son Jesus is always playing those damn drums in the garage.
  • Conan: The number of technical knockouts in boxing will skyrocket when referees stop asking dazed fighters "how many fingers am I holding up" and ask them instead to name two novels by E.L. Doctorow.
  • Andy: Ann Coulter will once again anger the gay community, this time for wearing those heels with that dress.
  • Conan: An increasing amount of unstable people will think that late night talk show hosts are actually talking to them personally through their television sets. Isn't that insane, Mark Kittels of 314 Darbyshire Road in Hattenfield, New Jersey? Hi Mark.
  • Andy: The Chinese economy will continue to grow and grow and then stop growing at about five feet.
  • Conan: Former White House official Scooter Libby will be sentenced to 18 months in a country club prison, where he'll be repeatedly country club raped.
  • Andy: In the interest of being honest with customers, Taco Bell will rename the burrito supreme "the diarrheato."
• Andy Richter Interview: Former Late Night sidekick Andy Richter has come back to the show to promote Andy Barker, P.I.. Conan takes this time to mention that he helped with producing and writing the show, and explain that is is the greatest show ever made. Maniacal laughter ensues from Conan. Richter mentions that although the series is critically acclaimed, it's making him flash back to when Late Night first started and he learned all the new ways to be called fat. The problem with the show is that it's up against Grey's Anatomy and CSI, but Richter says that being against those shows is a public service because it's proven that they're directly linked, respectively, to diarrhea and crossdressing. After showing a clip, they take a commercial break. When they return, the conversation switches to Richter's kids and how his son William colored a picture of Jesus being baptized, but decided to add a shark. They then show a second clip of the show featuring Tony Hale trying to romance Andy's assistant.
• Cloppy: After Nick Cage referenced Cloppy the Horse in a recent interview, Conan decided to bring him back. Cloppy lost a fortune betting on NCAA and is worried that his bookie is going to come and kill him with a shotgun. Dejected, the horse walks off-screen and the sound of a shotgun is heard, but Cloppy returns, claiming that Conan told him to take the gun from the bookie and shoot him. Conan protests this decision, causing Cloppy to trudge back off screen to kill himself. Another gunshot is heard and Cloppy returns once again. He explains that he killed the farmer before he could find out about the first murder. But this wasn't so, the farmer appears to say that he actually killed a police officer. Although the officer had a protective vest on, Cloppy still needs to pay for the first murder. He's led off screen and another gunshot is heard. Of course, Cloppy comes back and explains that everything's alright and he had sex with the police officer.
• Len Berman Interview: Sportscaster Len Berman comes on to briefly talk about David Beckham joining a Los Angeles soccer team to revitalize soccer in America. Berman doesn't think that this will happen, so Conan and Andy suggest changes to the game involving fire and chocolate. After this, he shows off some of his favorite sports clips including a woman singing the national anthem at a hockey game and forgetting the lyrics, the mascot games, go-kart racing bloopers, Ozzy Osbourne singing during the 7th inning stretch and the woman from before coming back out and tripping before she makes it to the ice.
• Turn On Me: The Shins song.

Notes

Music

• Turn On Me, performed by The Shins: For their performance, The Shins play "Turn On Me" from their third album, Wincing the Night Away. Joining the band for their performance is Anita Robinson, singer and guitarist for Viva Voce. Viva Voce was the opening artist for The Shins during their spring 2007 tour. Robinson plays tambourine and sings back-up vocals in the song.