King of the Hill/When Cotton Comes Marching Home

When Cotton Comes Marching Home
Season 5, Episode 6
Airdate	December 3, 2000
Production Number	5ABE03
Written by	Alan R. Cohen & Alan Freedland
Directed by	Tricia Garcia
← 5x05 Peggy Makes the Big Leagues	5x07 → What Makes Bobby Run?
King of the Hill — Season Five

When Cotton Comes Marching Home is the sixth episode of the fifth season of King of the Hill, and the ninetieth episode overall.

Starring: Mike Judge (Hank Hill, Mr. Lewis), Kathy Najimy (Peggy Hill), Pamela Segall Adlon (Bobby Hill), Brittany Murphy (credit only), Johnny Hardwick (Dale Gribble), Stephen Root (Bill Dauterive, Topsy, Washroom Man)

and Toby Huss (Cotton Hill)

Also Starring: Ashley Gardner (Didi Hill), David Herman (Veteran, Jimmy Witchard, Burton's Manager), Dave Thomas (Mr. Burton, Lane Pratley)

Plot Overview

As Veterans Day approaches, Hank learns that Cotton is broke. Cotton has to get a job to support his family, even if that makes missing a marching in Veterans Parade.

Notes

Stinger Quote

Cotton: Waffles! Where's my waffles?!

Seen, But Not Heard

• Boomhauer

• Luanne Platter

Arc Advancement

Characters

• It's revealed that Cotton lost his house in Houston and he, Didi, and G.H. have been forced to live in the VFW in Arlen.

Referbacks

• Hank curses Councilman Fred Ebberd for having the yield sign taken out by Ethan Allen. In "The Perils of Polling", Hank expresses the emotion of voting for Ebberd, despite having gone on to betray him.

Quotes

• Hank: Boy, this is a choice cut of North Carolina pine. The perfect wood to honour our veterans.

Peggy: It will be under 600 pounds of sand. Don't blow our budget, Hank. Use that.

Hank: Particle board? Yeah, if you want to throw out your float in five or ten years.

• Cotton: Hank's wife.

Peggy: Cotton. I have been calling you. How long have you been in town?

Cotton: A week. We're stayin' over to the VFW. We love it there. Didi and the baby love it there, too. Ain't that right, wife?

Didi: It's just like a second honeymoon. Only, it's not El Paso.

Hank: A week? Well, why didn't you call?

Cotton: I only call the people I want to see.

• Cotton: I'll be marchin' here in Arlen, with my war buddies: Topsy, Brooklyn, Fat Brooklyn, and of course, Irwin Linker.

Hank: What happened to Lucky?

Cotton: Dead!

• Hank: Good going, Dale. That looks like some top-quality sand you got there.

Dale: Yeah, they won't be building any sand castles over at Staubach Elementary this week.

• Peggy: It might not shift out of second, but it'll tow a float eight city blocks.

Dale: Or if we attach a steel extrusion to the front, we could push the float. (off everyone's looks) Am I the only one who allows his mind to prance outside the box?

• Cotton: Oh, right, you want my medals. Okay, I'll give them to you. Cost you $200 a day. There's only one way you can make that. Except, you're 20 years too old and 20 pounds too skinny.

Peggy: Cotton Hill, I do not know what I hate more about you - the way you talk to me or the way you treat your wife and your little child.

Cotton: Well, think about it.

• Hank: You're supposed to yield, you... Oh. Not anymore. Thanks a lot, Councilman Fred Ebberd. Jerk.

• Cotton: This hobo took three cans from my pile. I got those cans from a sewer outside the bus station.

Jimmy Witchard: Them three cans was my cans. I smashed 'em myself. Smashed 'em good.

Cotton: You're lying! This dumpster monkey is lying!

• Hank: I could help you out.

Cotton: You ain't my daddy. I'm your daddy.

• Cotton: I got me an interview tomorrow. Getting back into the insulation business. Same work that kept your mother in JC Penney skirts and paid for your glasses all them years, four eyes.

• Cotton: I'm your man, Mr Lewis. I supervised the installation of asbestos in every public school in Heimlich County and eleven bowling alleys.

Mr Lewis: Mm. Yeah. Our company's paid to remove asbestos.

Cotton: What?! What?! Remove asbestos? What the hell for?

Mr Lewis: Uh, you wrote on your application that you're 38 years old. Is that right?

Cotton: Indeed. I tend to look older 'cause the Japanese shot my shins off in the war.

Mr Lewis: Which war?

Cotton: Gulf War.

• Mr Lewis: I'm sorry, who is this?

Hank: I'm his son.

Cotton: Gulf War baby. Saddam's chemicals made him freakishly large.

• Mr Burton: I tell you, Hank, ever since you sold me those propane patio heaters people have been eating outside, even when it's cold.

Hank: Well, clean, even heating is just one of the 14 reasons--

Mr Burton: Yeah, yeah, I remember your toast at my daughter's wedding.

• Cotton: Now you listen to me, junior. I led a platoon of men through the jungles of Saipan. I think I can lead a party of four to table 6!

• Cotton: (to Peggy) You're such a nag. Now I know why Hank wants to divorce you.

Hank: Dad, there's not a shred of truth--

Cotton: Mull it over.

• Manager: Mister Hill, maybe you have to re-evaluate whether you really want to clean up after my customers use the bathroom.

• Didi: Sorry I'm late. I had to take three buses: one to get here, one to go back and get G.H., and then one to get here.

• Cotton: Topsy, you shouldn't be waitin' for a bus. You strangled Herman Goering, for God's sake!

• Cotton: I'm worth more dead than alive.

Bobby: What do you mean, grandpa? Is there a price on your head?

Cotton: Probably.

• Cotton: (to Hank) Just taught the boy how to fire a gun. Look at him! He loves to shoot! You cried your first time and you was three.

• Cotton: Hank, I thought it over. I've decided to let you give me some money. You know, for G.H.

Hank: Well, I'm glad you've come around and I'm happy to help you out.

Cotton: It ain't help. You're payin' me back for all the money I spent raisin' you: food, clothes, sissy lenses for your eyes...

Hank: Okay, dad, uh, that seems fair.

Cotton: It's more than fair. I ain't even chargin' you interest. 'Cause you're my son and all.

• Cotton: Now, give me $300. I want to buy G.H. and me a set of walkie-talkies. You know, for when he learns to walk and talk.

Hank: Well, I've got a $20 on me.

Cotton: 20 bucks? I got poop tips bigger than that.