King of the Hill/The Perils of Polling

The Perils of Polling
Season 5, Episode 1
Airdate	October 1, 2000
Production Number	5ABE02
Written by	Jim Dauterive
Directed by	Kyounghee Lim & Boowhan Lim
← 4x24 Peggy's Fan Fair	5x02 → The Buck Stops Here
King of the Hill — Season Five

The Perils of Polling is the first episode of the fifth season of King of the Hill, and the eighty-fifth episode overall.

Starring: Mike Judge (Hank Hill, Boomhauer), Kathy Najimy (Peggy Hill), Pamela Segall Adlon (Bobby Hill, Bush Campaign Woman), Brittany Murphy (Luanne Platter), Johnny Hardwick (Dale Gribble), Stephen Root (Bill Dauterive)

and: Toby Huss (credit only)

Also Starring: David Herman (Ted T. Gannaway, Mitch Fish), Jeanine Jackson (Mrs. Fedder), Jim Ward (George W. Bush)

Special Guest Voice: Phil Hendrie (Rooks Epperson, State Trooper)

Plot Overview

After chiding Luanne for deciding who's she's going to vote for based on superficial reasons, Hank finds himself having doubts about voting for George W. Bush after learning firsthand that he has a weak handshake.

Notes

Stinger Quote

Dale: Was it a wriggler?

Trivia

The Show

• Peggy refers to George W. Bush as the "greatest orator of our day." This would become ironic since after being elected, Bush's gaffes would go on to be the basis for the term "Bushisms".

Behind the Scenes

• Luanne originally plans on voting for Robert Parigi of the Communist Party. This is the name of a writer whose name would not be credited in the show until he became an associate producer in Season 11.

Allusions and References

• Mitch the pig's final act of jumping through burning rings is called "The Johnny Cash" with the the music playing is "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash.

Quotes

• Hank: Now, did you send in those registration forms I gave you for your eighteenth birthday?

Luanne: No, but that's okay. I'll just vote for president next year.

• Bobby: Mom, can I have five tickets for fair food? I don't want them guessing my weight on an empty stomach.

Luanne: I'm hungry, too!

Hank: Luanne, you should be hungry for democracy.

Luanne: Um, no. Yeah, I think I wanted the corn on a stick.

Hank: Luanne, in a few years that corn'll be gone. But the thrill of voting lasts and lasts. I still get goose pimples thinking about pulling the lever for Councilman Fred Ebberd. 'Course, then he betrayed me.

• Ted T. Ganaway: The polls and the media have been ignoring my campaign. But they're gonna have a little surprise come election day when longshot candidate Ted T. Ganaway moves out of his parents' house and into the White House!

Hank: Hey, look, a fringe candidate. Poor confused bastard.

Peggy: Well, you have to admire his dedication. I mean, he's right here in the heart of what I like to call Bush Country.

• Peggy: (as Bobby goes to save Mitch the pig) Bobby, no! That's pig water!

• Mitch Fish: Mitch is dead!

Bobby: Not this pig. Not today.

• Hank: Now, if you do a background check I'm Hank R. Hill, not that Hank P. Hill who doesn't pay his Discover Card bill.

• Luanne: Uncle Hank, I registered to vote!

Hank: Oh, terrific. George W's gonna need every vote he can get or they won't call it a landslide.

Luanne: George W? He's not a communist, is he?

Hank: Uh, no, he's not.

Luanne: Wait. Oh, here it is. See, our candidate is Robert Parigi.

Hank: What? Communist? No!

Luanne: I guess I cancel your vote out. My first election and your vote means nothing. (raises arm in Communist salute) Long live the people's revolution!

• Hank: What were you thinking? The Russians don't even believe in communism anymore.

• Peggy: Maybe Luanne has a good reason for throwing her vote away.

Luanne: I've got several. First, the line at his booth was the shortest. I like his tie - it's red. And his shirt is white, and his jacket is blue, and that stands for America. Communism!

• Dale: Commie, go home!

Luanne: Okay. (turns and walks toward her home)

• Hank: I just think if you don't read the newspaper and the only TV you watch is the MTV, you shouldn't be allowed to vote.

• Bill: Stop fighting the last war, Hank. Women got the vote and there's nothing we can do about it.

Dale: Unless...

Hank: Unless what?

Dale: I don't know. You're a smart guy. You'll figure something out.

• Luanne: (as Sir Reginald) Cheerio. I just wanted to tell you should vote for Robert Parigi of the Communist Party U.S.A. for President, what-what?

Hank: You don't know the first thing about Communism.

Luanne: What's to know? Robert Parigi's got the cutest little ears and the prettiest eyebrows. (as Sir Reginald) So can I tell Robert he can count on your vote?

Hank: No, you cannot! I hate Communists! All they do is boss people around and--

Luanne: Sounds like you, Uncle Hank.

Hank: Luanne, please go home before I tell you you're acting like an idiot and make you cry.

Luanne: (as Obadiah) Eee-yaa! You're communist! Eee-yaa!

Hank: No, I'm not!

Luanne: (as Sir Reginald) Welcome to the Party, mate!

Hank: Get that penguin back here! I'm not done!

Luanne: (as Obadiah) Eee-yaa! Power to the people, comrade! (as Sir Reginald) Why, I say, you look good in red, comrade Hill! What-what.

Hank: All right, I gave you fair warning. Luanne, you're acting like an idiot.

Luanne: (crying) Oh, no! Uncle Hank!

• Luanne: He's even more handsome than his dad.

Hank: Well, Barbara's a handsome woman.

• Luanne: I really like his smile. And his tie. Which is red. I like red ties.

Hank: Luanne, stop looking at him. Close your eyes and listen to the issues. Wait till you hear him call for lower taxes and a stronger national defence. Ah, I just gave away the end of his speech.

• George W. Bush: Hey, there's Heimlich County's newest hero!

Bobby: I was just in the right place at the right time, like any hero.

• Hank: Oh, my God! His handshake! It's limp!

• Bill: I thought you only cared about the issues, Hank.

Hank: Well, yeah. But a man's handshake is an issue. It's, uh, well, it's the character issue.

Bill: No. Character is about having principles and not sleeping with the help and such. But a wimpy handshake - now, that's just trivial, Hank. Trivial.

Hank: It's not trivial. This man could be the next leader of the free world. We're gonna have nutjob Third World dictators walking all over us when they find out our president doesn't have a strong enough finger to push the button.

Dale: That makes a lot of sense. A lot of nonsense!

• Dale: Come on, Hank. Spend tomorrow not voting with me. Every election day I go Christmas shopping. All the suckers are at the polls. The outlet malls are empty. The parking lots are full, which I never understood. I got a theory, but it involves the largest mirror in Texas.

• Hank: All I know is if I don't vote, I won't get called for jury duty anymore.

• Hank: See that guy's reaction when Bush shakes his hand? Surprise, then disappointment.

Peggy: Sure, but when I want to watch Scent of a Woman, you don't even know how to work the VCR.

• Hank: You know, with voter turnout at all-time lows, not voting makes me more American.

• Dale: We're going to spend the rest of the day in Mexico, see how the election turns out. If there's any problem - civil unrest, military coup - we will remain in Mexico under assumed identities. You are Fritz Kruger, wealthy Ecuadorian rancher. And I am Central American singing sensation LaMotil.

• Hank: Rudy?

Luanne: No, it's Luanne, Platter. And it's not a propane emergency, it's a why-aren't-you-voting emergency. Why aren't you voting?

Hank: Because my candidate's handshake had no character.

Luanne: What takes character is to vote anyways, even if it's rainy, or your face is blotchy, or your uncle made you cry, or your candidate's a dud. It doesn't take any character to give up.

Hank: What do you know? You've never even voted!

Luanne: Well, maybe I won't vote after all, since apparently it's not that important. I think I'll go shopping, just like you did, Uncle Hank. Because I don't need to vote, but I can always use a good pair of pants.

• Bill: So who'd you vote for, Hank?

Luanne: Nuh-uh-uh. If he tells you, it won't come true.

• Hank: Hello. I'm Hank Hill from TV's King of the Hill.

Bobby: And I'm Bobby Hill from TV's King of the Hill.

Hank: Welcome to what used to be my garage.

Bobby: That's where I usually park my bike.

Hank: We're here to remind you to register to vote. So go ahead, fill out your registration card and you'll be eligible to win these valuable prizes: freedom, civic pride, and a brand-new president.