King of the Hill/Peggy Makes the Big Leagues

Peggy Makes the Big Leagues
Season 5, Episode 5
Airdate	November 26, 2000
Production Number	5ABE04
Written by	Johnny Hardwick
Directed by	Dominic Polcino
← 5x04 Spin the Choice	5x06 → When Cotton Comes Marching Home
King of the Hill — Season Five

Peggy Makes the Big Leagues is the fifth episode of the fifth season of King of the Hill, and the eighty-ninth episode overall.

Starring: Mike Judge (Hank Hill, Boomhauer), Kathy Najimy (Peggy Hill), Pamela Segall Adlon (Bobby Hill), Brittany Murphy (Luanne Platter), Johnny Hardwick (Dale Gribble, Tug)

and Stephen Root (Buck Strickland, Bill Dauterive)

Also Starring: Natalie Canerday (Miriam Caney), David Herman (Marlin Atwater), Amy Hill (Mrs. Kalaiki-Alii)

Special Guest Voice: Brendan Fraser (David Kalaiki-Alii)

Special Guest Voice: Terry Bradshaw (Preston Rogers)

Special Guest Voice: James Brown (Digby Wilkins)

Special Guest Voice: Howie Long (Terrell Cartwright)

Plot Overview

Peggy gets a substitute teaching job in a high school class, but soon incurs the wrath of everyone when she fails a promising football star.

Notes

Stinger Quote

Peggy: I don't know what you're waiting for.

Seen, But Not Heard

• Joe Jack

Trivia

The Show

• Mrs. Kalaiki-Alii had previously appeared in "Traffic Jam". However, the placard on her desk didn't include a hyphen in her last name as it appears twice in this episode.

Allusions and References

• Peggy compares herself to Gabe Kaplan, the star of Welcome Back, Kotteras she calls herself a loser, alluding to the fact that Kaplan's career failed to keep him in the spotlight after the show ended.

Quotes

• Peggy: (answering the phone) Yello. Well, Substitute Teacher of the Year Peggy Hill. Uh-huh. Go on.

• Peggy: Guess who is subbing for high school geometry teacher Tammy Charbonneau while she takes an eight-week, doctor-ordered, bed-rest, maternity leave? Me. Peggy Hill.

Luanne: That was going to be my guess exactly.

• Tug: Number 33, David Kalaiki-Alii, the Flyin' Hawaiian! He says "aloha" to the end zone and "aloha" to the Temble Tigers! It means both hello and goodbye! My wife is Polynesian!

• Peggy: ...And the man walked around the world and said to the king, "Sir, I come from France." Cir-cum-fer-ence.

• Peggy: At Tom Landry Middle School, we would never think of extending special privileges to the athletes.

Marlin Atwater: Peggy, this isn't Middle School. This is real life. We've got college football scouts at our games and they're not coming to watch David draw a triangle.

Miriam Caney: Oh, don't worry, Peggy. David Kalaiki-Alii is unteachable anyway.

Peggy: Unteachable?

Marlin Atwater: I spent six weeks in Health trying to get him to brush up and down. He's like a wall.

• Peggy: And he continued to sleep peacefully. It was pure chaos.

• Luanne: He's the Flyin' Hawaiian! Mmm. If I were two years younger...

Peggy: Well, first, he is your age. And second, David is considered a special case. They call him unteachable.

Bobby: Well, you can't be good at everything.

Hank: Well, you'd be surprised, Bobby. He plays offence, defence, and returns punts.

Peggy: Well, it looks like Luanne isn't the only one with a crush on David. But you know what? He's just another student to me. No different from the nerds or the suck-ups.

• Peggy: So it may only be a theory, but it will, in fact, be on next week's midterm.

• Digby Wilkins: She flunked David. Now he's out for three weeks academic suspension. Do you know what happens in those three weeks? San Marcos. Belton. McMaynerbury. McMaynerbury, Hank!

Hank: Now, hold on. I'm sure it was just an accident.

Preston Rogers: No, Hank. This is an accident. (knocks down rack)

Buck: Now you got two messes to clean up.

• Peggy: Well, I am sorry, Hank, but teaching high school is my "going to state."

Hank: Uh, no offence, Peggy, but I don't see anybody rentin' buses to go to your state.

• Peggy: David did failing work. He got a failing grade. Of all people, I would expect my fellow educators to support me.

Miriam Caney: You want to change the world, go back to middle school. It's too late here.

• Buck: Hank, can you slap together a make-up mid-term?

Hank: I'll do it quickly, but it won't be "slapped together."

• Hank: Peggy, years from now no one will remember what a hexagon is, but you win state and, well, that goes up on the water tower.

• Peggy: Oh, what was I thinking? I am in over my head. What made me think that I could teach high school? I so wanted to be like Welcome Back, Kotter. Now I'm like the real Gabe Kaplan. I am a loser.

• Hank: All right. Let's see what we got here. Okay. (reading David's essay) "Strkkland Propene does not have a vending machine. It smells and I thank God every day I get home that I didn't get exploded. The end."

(Hank takes out a beer can and pours a shot, then writes an "A" on David's essay)

Hank: May God have mercy on me.

• Dale: (to Bill) All I'm saying is you have the tendencies of a Capricorn.

• Bill: I will not have a respected educator bend over for his own beer.

Dale: Make Peggy do it. She's got to be good for something.

Hank: Now, that is not fair, Dale. Peggy did the best she could.

Dale: Which was crappy.

• Peggy: So, I'm afraid I will have to take an emergency medical leave. Well, I have diagnosed myself as having the early stages of single-digit carpal tunnel syndrome. Or as I call it, "chalk finger."

• Hank: David failed that test. His essay made me want to vomit. Which I did.

• Peggy: Hank Hill, I am speechless. I literally have nothing to say. Not one word. Nada. Zilch. Zero. I don't know what you're waiting for.

• Hank: Now - Now, hold on. Hold on. Sure, a week ago I would have been booing my wife right along with you guys.

Dale: You were, Hank.

• Buck: I already turned in the sign-off sheet and the grade. David is in.

Hank: Sir, did you read that essay?

Buck: It's a classic. "I thank God every day I didn't get exploded." It gets to you.

• Peggy: You may keep your creamy bribe.

• Mrs. Kalaiki-Alii: He's a good boy. He just has trouble retaining anything. He deserves an A for effort, though.

Peggy: No wonder even I couldn't teach him.

• David Kalaiki-Alii: Hey, Miss Hill.

Peggy: Oh, no, no, David. The pep rally is down the hallway, honey. Wait. Did you poop yourself?

David Kalaiki-Alii: I deserve that.

• David Kalaiki-Alii: I guess if I'd worked harder, you guys wouldn't be so willing to believe I was learning-disabled.

Peggy: You're not? But - But that explains everything.

• Peggy: I am so proud of you, David, but I could not even teach Albert Einstein all of geometry in an afternoon. Even if it meant that Einstein's team could go to state.

• Hank: Who's stupid now, huh? Not David.

Peggy: Yup. Not David, Hank. Not David at all.