The Daily Show/Kurt Vonnegut (September 13, 2005)

Kurt Vonnegut - Evolution Schmevolution: A Daily Show Special Report - Day 2
"Ultimately, the 1.5% difference comes down to this: I would probably find no pleasure in eating its head lice."
Airdate	September 13, 2005
Production Number	10115
Guest(s)	Kurt Vonnegut - Evolution Schmevolution: A Daily Show Special Report - Day 2
September 12, 2005 Chris Mooney	September 14, 2005 Ellie Crystal, Dr. William A. Dembski, Dr. Edward J. Larson
The Daily Show — 2005

This is the 114th episode of the 2005 season of The Daily Show.

Guest Stars: Kurt Vonnegut (Guest), Dr. Dan Wharton (Himself)

Episode Overview

This is the second episode in the Evolution Schmevolution week of the show.

Segments

Correspondent Piece

• Evolution: A Heritage Tour, Ed Helms - Ed Helms continues the tour at the Bronx Zoo, where he speaks to Dr. Dan Wharton, a primatologist, about the differences between man and ape. He tackles the important questions, like which has the larger penis (humans do), and why apes have so much anger toward luggage. To further study the issue, he spends the day with a small monkey, and it seems that we really do have quite a bit in common with our furry ancestors, with the one small exception pictured above.

Headlines

• Confirmation Hearings: Judged Roberts, Jon Stewart - The confirmation hearings for John Roberts began yesterday, but already one thing has been confirmed: senators likey the blah, blah, blah.

"On-location" Report

• Judged Roberts, Stephen Colbert - Stephen Colbert offers his insight and analysis on John Roberts' confirmation hearing. For example we now know that Roberts parts his hair... to the left.

Special Report

• School Curriculum: Evolutionary War, Jon Stewart - Today Evolution Schmevolution continues with a look at the battle going on over teaching evolution vs intelligent design in the schools. Proponents of intelligent design say life on Earth is too complex to have evolved without some kind of guiding hand... not God, per se, just someone with the basic skill set to create an entire working universe.

Guest

Novelist Kurt Vonnegut is on the show promoting his book A Man Without a Country.

He talks about many things like why we have the clap, and why it's okay to have a bit of genocide and ethnic cleansing in a fledgling democracy.

Correspondent Titles

• Ed Helms Correspondent
• Stephen Colbert Senior Judicial Confirmation Analyst

Moment of Zen

Video, presumably of the Scopes Trail and the people involved, with the narration: "A young teacher of Tennessee had taught, contrary to state law, Darwin's theory of evolution. The Tennessee country-people believe this was contrary to Biblical doctrine, and Scopes Trial got world-wide publicity."

Trivia

The Show

• During the guest interview, Kurt Vonnegut pulled out a list of "Liberal Crap I Never Want to Hear Again." He didn't have time to read it all, but it was posted at the Comedy Central website. Here is the full list:

Give us this day our daily bread. Oh sure.

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

Nobody better trespass against me. I'll tell you that.

Blessed are the meek.

Blessed are the merciful. You mean we can't use torture?

Blessed are the peacemakers. Jane Fonda?

Love your enemies - Arabs?

Ye cannot serve God and Mammon. The hell I can't! Look at the Reverand Pat Robertson. And He is as happy as a pig in s**t.

Memorable Moments

• In the segment Confirmation Hearings: Judged Roberts an emotional Tom Coburn, Republican senator from Oklahoma, is shown literally crying out for "less devisiveness, less polarization, less finger-pointing, less bitterness, less mindless partisanship which at times sounds almost hateful to the ear of Americans." They then display two statements he has previously said:
  
  "The gay community... is the greatest threat to our freedom that we face today." - Spring 2004
  
  "I favor the death penalty for abortionists." - July 9, 2004.

Quotes

• Stephen Colbert: To me there are only two kinds of Supreme Court confirmation hearings - the kind where people talk about pubic hairs on Coke cans, and the kind where they don't. Sad to say this is the latter. You know, I often wonder what happened to that pube on a Coke guy. That's a real - Where Are They Now?
  Jon Stewart: Actually Stephen, you're referring, uh, to Justice Thomas... Clarence Thomas. He's a Supreme Court Justice now.
  Stephen Colbert: Come on, pube-guy? You're pulling my leg Jon!
  Jon Stewart: No! Justice Thomas is the court's most reliably conservative voice!
  Stephen Colbert: Wow! Way to go pube-ster!