Clerks/Episode One

Leonardo Leonardo Returns and Dante Has an Important Decision to Make
Season 1, Episode 3
Airdate	Unaired
Production Number	CLK-101
Written by	David Mandel & Kevin Smith
Directed by	Chris Bailey
← 1x02 Episode Two	1x04 → Episode Three
Clerks — Season One

Leonardo Leonardo Returns and Dante Has an Important Decision to Make is the third episode of Clerks and the first of the unaired episodes. Although the pilot episode sets up most of the jokes, it was not aired on ABC as the first episode. In the episode, Leonardo Leonardo has returned to build an even bigger convenience store across the street from the QuickStop. But, when Randal and Dante investigate, what they find may be more sinister than either of them had imagined.

Starring the Voice Talents of: Jeff Anderson (Randal Graves), Jason Mewes (Jay), Brian O'Halloran (Dante Hicks), Kevin Smith (Silent Bob)

Special Guest Voice: Alec Baldwin (Leonardo Leonardo)

and Charles Barkley (Himself)

Also Starring: Jeff Bennett (), Nakita Hopkins (), Diane Devlin (), Bryan Johnson (Steve-Dave), Dan Etheridge (Mr. Plug), Kerri Kenney (), Walt Flanagan (Walt the Fanboy), Matt Maher (), Sam Gifaldi (), Brian Posehn (), Elon Gold (), Kevin M. Richardson (Announcer/Desmond Pfeiffer), Dana Gould (), Lauren Tom (), April Winchell ()

Plot Overview

The first act of the show is mainly exposition about the characters, setting up who Jay, Silent Bob, Dante and Randal are. One day, Dante is working in the QuickStop and Randal comments to him that nothing ever exciting happens in the town. He leaves to open the video store when he's mowed down by a stampede of people, going to see Leonardo Leonardo make a speech and unveil his new buildings: the Leonardo Tower and the QuickerStop, a rival convenience store.

The QuickerStop drives the other businesses into bankruptcy because of their lower prices. But, yet, the QuickStop is still in business. In order to bring in more people, Dante and Randal mark everything down 75%. Their plan works, but unfortunately they only get less than a dollar from selling an entire store load of goods. On paper, however, it looks like their sales skyrocketed, bringing it to the attention of Leonardo Leonardo. He calls them into his office in order to offer them a job working for him at higher pay. Randal, however, declines for the both of them because of some inkling that there's an insidious plot occurring. Leonardo reveals that he's planning to opening a Canadian themed amusement park. Afterwards, they're thrown out of the building.

They begin to attempt to sneak into the Leonardo Tower in order to get proof that Leonardo Leonardo's plot is evil and should be stopped. They go through a long-winded presentation with many steps which everyone eventually walks out of. Defeated, the two clerks go back to the QuickStop and get a plan from short lived UPN series The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfiefer where Randal dresses up like a woman to some how get Leonardo Leonardo arrested. They forget the second part where they were supposed to blow up the QuickerStop, but luckily, Jay and Silent Bob accidentally cause it to explode. Later, everything just goes back to normal.

At the end of the episode, there's a Safety Tips footer with Jay and Silent Bob (and Charles Barkley). They tell the kids to clean up their campsite and to tie up their excess food so that a bear isn't attracted.

Notes

Charles Barkley Appearance

• Safety Tips: Charles Barkley appears at the beginning of the Safety Tips segment at the end of the episode, but is quickly told to go away by Jay and Silent Bob.

Trivia

The Show

• Full Title: "The Pilot" Or "Leonardo Leonardo Returns And Dante Has An Important Decision To Make."
• Disclaimer End: "Is anybody still watching after all that?"
• Post Disclaimer Notice: What follows is the fabled Lost Pilot to Clerks. Originally planned to air May 31, 2000, it was lost on the test audience who hated it, and was eventually lost under a pile of unaired Wonderland and Wasteland episodes. Unfortunately someone found it and now you're going to have to watch it. Tune in next week for a much better episode. For now, though - courage.

Behind the Scenes

• Network Notes: When the script for the pilot episode was first turned in, the network told the creators that the pilot needed to be something that explained the show and the characters, but then they said the episode explained too much. They apparently sat Kevin Smith, Dave Mandel and Scott Mosier down and had them watch the pilot to The Facts of Life in order to get their point across.
• Network Notes: Although the firecracker gag was used in most of the show's promos (created by the network), there was originally talk about taking it out because it encourages violence.
• Supposed Airing: This episode would have aired 5th if ABC had not cancelled the show.

Allusions and References

• Two Guys and a Girl: When Randal is trampled by the mob of people, he references the show Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place, an actual show on ABC whose title was mocked by the network anyway. The series was later renamed Two Guys and a Girl.
• The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer: The show that Dante and Randal watch on UPN was an actual show about a black man who acts as President Lincoln's right-hand man. It was used as a way to poke fun at the Clinton administration but was quickly taken off the air when civil rights groups assaulted it for being offensive and racist.

Memorable Moments

• Leonardo Leonardo failing at attempting to build a desk.
• Dante and Randal climbing up the building, but not really.
• Jay and Silent Bob accidentally blowing up the QuickerStop.

Quotes

• Dante: This is your plan? Pay as you exit? Isn't that what the customers were doing already?

Randal: Kind of. I guess. Shut up.

• Jay: Listen up, we quit.

Randal: You don't work here.

Jay:: Not anymore we don't. This is an official notice. From now on, Silent Bob and I will be officially standing in front of the Quicker Stop. Officially. (they walk over to the Quicker Stop) We'll be over here if anyone comes lookin' for us.

Dante: Okay.

Jay: Just send them over.

Dante: Fine.