Are You Being Served?/Our Figures Are Slipping

Our Figures Are Slipping
Season 1, Episode 2
Airdate	March 21, 1973
Script by	Jeremy Lloyd and David Croft
Directed by	Bernard Thompson
Produced by	David Croft
← 1x01 Dear Sexy Knickers...	1x03 → Camping In
Are You Being Served? — Season One

Our Figures Are Slipping is the second episode of the first season of Are You Being Served?, and the third episode overall.

You have been watching: Trevor Bannister (Mr Lucas), Mollie Sugden (Mrs Slocombe), Frank Thornton (Captain Peacock), John Inman (Mr Humphries), Wendy Richard (Miss Brahms), Arthur Brough (Mr Grainger), Nicholas Smith (Mr Rumbold), Harold Bennett (Young Mr Grace), Stephanie Gathercole (the Secretary), Peter Needham (the returned Glen Check)

Plot Overview

The floor's sales are at a low and so Rumbold gathers the salesstaff after hours to find a solution.

Arc Advancement

Characters

• Mrs Slocombe has a cat named Tiddles.

Trivia

The Show

• This marks the first reference to Mrs Slocombe's pussy, the beginning of a long-running joke that lasts even through to Grace & Favour.

Allusions and References

• Lucas invites Brahms to the cinema, mentioning the 1942 movie Bambi. The other is The Unsatisfied Virgin, which seems to be made up for the episode.

Quotes

• Captain Peacock: And what has happened to Miss Brahms?

Mrs Slocombe: She isn't late. She's powdering her nose.

Captain Peacock: She ought to sign in first.

Mrs Slocombe: It was very urgent that she powdered it when she did.

• Mr Lucas: That was a near thing.

Captain Peacock: Not quite near enough, Mr Lucas. It is one minute past nine.

Mr Lucas: Oh, dear. Have all the customers gone?

Captain Peacock: That is not the point, Mr Lucas. You are expected here at nine o'clock. Not one minute after.

Mr Lucas: Ah, well, Captain, I was here. I was outside at five minutes to nine, but just as I was coming in a man was crossing the road and he got knocked down. A tall, military-looking man, he was. Oh, deary me, I thought, it's Captain Peacock. He was early like me and he's got knocked down crossing the road. My heart was in my mouth, sir. I thought to myself, not Captain Peacock, not struck down at the height of his career. "Stand back!" I said. "I'll give my blood for Captain Peacock!" Anyway, by the time I fought me way through the crowd, found out it wasn't you but some dirty old tramp and then got back here it was one minute after.

• Miss Brahms: Sorry I'm late, Captain Peacock.

Captain Peacock: That's all right, Miss Brahms.

Mr Lucas: Oh, it's all right for her, is it?

Captain Peacock: She has been powdering her nose.

Mr Lucas: Why is it so shiny, then?

• Mr Lucas: He said I've got to report to Rumbold at 9:15 with my sales book. What does that mean?

Mr Humphries: Well, in the terms of the Almighty's grand plan for the universe, very little. But as far as you're concerned, it probably means you'll be at the Labour Exchange at half-past nine.

• Mrs Slocombe: Before we go any further, Mr Rumbold, Miss Brahms and I would like to complain about the state of our drawers. They're a positive disgrace.

Mr Rumbold: Your what, Mrs Slocombe?

Mrs Slocombe: Our drawers. They're sticking. It's always the same in damp weather.

Mr Rumbold: Really?

Mrs Slocombe: Miss Brahms could hardly shift hers at all just now.

Mr Lucas: No wonder she was late.

Mrs Slocombe: They sent up a man who put beeswax on them, but that made them worse.

Mr Rumbold: I'm not surprised.

Miss Brahms: I think they need sandpapering.

Mr Rumbold: Would that help, do you think, Peacock?

Mr Humphries: Well, you see, I puff French chalk on mine and they're as smooth as silk.

Mr Lucas: Well, perhaps you could puff some French chalk over Mrs Slocombe's.

Mr Rumbold: Would that solve your problem, Mrs Slocombe?

Mrs Slocombe: They ought to be changed. I've had them ever since I've been here.

Captain Peacock: Perhaps we can look into it some other time, Mrs Slocombe. Mr Rumbold has matters of a much more pressing nature to discuss.

Mrs Slocombe: They're very pressing as far as I'm concerned. Perhaps Mr Rumbold would like to have a go and see how far he gets.

• Mr Rumbold: Now, I have been deeply distressed to learn of the slump in our sales over the past four weeks, which I'm sure you've all observed, hm?

Captain Peacock: Yes, I have observed it. Haven't you, Mr Grainger?

Mr Grainger: Oh, a very definite slump, I would say. Had you observed it, Mr Humphries?

Mr Humphries: Oh, I've observed it, Mr Grainger. You observed it, too, didn't you, Mr Lucas?

Mr Lucas: Oh yes, definitely. I had observed it, Mr Humphries, yes, oh, yes.

Mr Humphries: If you remember rightly I mentioned it to you last Tuesday.

Mr Grainger: Yes, and I mentioned it to you, Captain Peacock.

Captain Peacock: That's right. That's what caused me to discuss it with you, sir.

Mr Rumbold: I think that's what first alerted me to the crisis in the first place.

• Captain Peacock: What about you, Mr Humphries?

Mrs Slocombe: As departmental head of the ladies' section, I think I should've been asked next.

Captain Peacock: Of course, Mrs Slocombe. I'm sorry. Have you any suggestions?

Mrs Slocombe: No.

Captain Peacock: Thank you.

Mrs Slocombe: But I do like to be asked.

• Mr Humphries: Well, I think it's the weather, don't you, Mr Lucas?

Mr Lucas: Yes, yes, that's it, definitely, definitely. Yes, it's definitely, oh, it's the weather, yes. That, plus the fact that we've had no customers.

• Mr Rumbold: I therefore think it would pay us to examine our whole customer handling technique and to that end I shall be holding a course in salesmanship - a class in salesmanship - this evening after the store closes.

Mr Lucas: You mean in our own time?!

Mrs Slocombe: It's very short notice. There's my pussy to consider.

Mr Rumbold: I beg your pardon.

Mrs Slocombe: Who's going to let it out?

Mr Rumbold: If it's not convenient, I shall, of course, understand, but I would remind you all that unless sales improve we shall have to cut down on our staff.

(everyone looks to Mr Lucas)

Mr Lucas: Oh, it's convenient.

Mrs Slocombe: I suppose it'll be alright.

Mr Humphries: Tiddles will have to cross his legs.

• Mr Humphries: I don't know what you want your book for. I would've thought you'd remember your sales. All three of them.

• Mr Grainger: Are you being served, sir?

Customer: No, and I'd like to see the assistant who served me last Tuesday.

Mr Grainger: Oh yes, that would be our Mr Humphries, I think. Mr Humphries, are you free?

Mr Humphries: Yes, I'm free, Mr Grainger. Morning, sir, can I help you?

Customer: No, it wasn't you I wanted. He was younger and good looking.

Mr Humphries: Oh. It had to happen eventually.

Mr Grainger: Well, then it must be our Mr Lucas. Are you free, Mr Lucas?

Mr Lucas: Oh, as free as air, Mr Grainger.

Customer: Yes, that's the one I want.

Mr Humphries: There's no accounting for taste.

• Mr Grainger: How much am I to ring up?

Mr Lucas: Ring down 20 pounds and 50 pence.

Mr Grainger: Ring down?

Mr Humphries: Glass of water for Mr Grainger.

• Mr Rumbold: That was a very smart bit of selling, Mr Lucas. You see, the smile does the trick.

Mr Lucas: Oh, it does indeed, Mr Rumbold, yes.

Mr Rumbold: You obviously know your stock very well. Even I was unaware that we had a vicuna coat.

Captain Peacock: We haven't. Mr Lucas sold Mr Grace his own coat.

Mr Rumbold: Mr Lucas sold Mr Grace Mr Lucas's coat?

Captain Peacock: No. Mr Lucas sold Mr Grace Mr Grace's coat.