Are You Being Served?/Dear Sexy Knickers...

Dear Sexy Knickers...
Season 1, Episode 1
Airdate	March 21, 1973
Script by	Jeremy Lloyd and David Croft
Directed by	Bernard Thompson (uncredited)
Produced by	David Croft
← Pilot Are You Being Served?	1x02 → Our Figures Are Slipping
Are You Being Served? — Season One

Dear Sexy Knickers... is the first episode of the first season of Are You Being Served?, and the second episode overall.

You have been watching: Mollie Sugden (Mrs Slocombe), Trevor Bannister (Mr Lucas), Frank Thornton (Captain Peacock), John Inman (Mr Humphries), Wendy Richard (Miss Brahms), Arthur Brough (Mr Grainger), Nicholas Smith (Mr Rumbold), Robert Raglan (The 40'' Waist), Derek Smith (The 28'' Inside Leg)

Plot Overview

It isn't Mr Lucas's day when he gets caught destroying a pair of trousers. It gets worse when a flirtatious note intended for Miss Brahms doesn't reach its mark.

Arc Advancement

Characters

• Mr Lucas is seen making an attempt at hitting on Miss Brahms.

• We also learn from Lucas that Brahms's first name is Shirley.

• It's revealed that Mr Rumbold originally came from hardware and that Captain Peacock used to be in Toys and Games.

• Mrs Slocombe says that Mr Slocombe is "no longer living at home."

Trivia

The Show

• We hear segue music for this episode, but it isn't the traditional cash register but instead a version of the theme music that can be heard more of in the movie.

Allusions and References

• Miss Brahms mentions the American women's magazine Cosmopolitan and later bringing up how Burt Reynolds posed nude for it, as he had done in 1972.

Memorable Moments

• Peacock sends Humphries to ask if Grainger is free. Grainger is standing on the opposite side of the counter. To get him, Humphries walks all the way around the counter, past the back of Grainger so as to face Grainger.

Goofs

• After tearing the trousers, Lucas tries to explain himself and calls Captain Peacock Mister Peacock without Peacock catching it.

Quotes

• Captain Peacock: How's the sell going, Mrs Slocombe?

Mrs Slocombe: Well, in lingerie, pants are up and bras are down.

Captain Peacock: But isn't it the other way around, aye, Mrs Slocombe?

Mrs Slocombe: Now, now, Captain Peacock, you mustn't say things like that in front of my little assistant.

Miss Brahms: Don't worry about me. I don't wear 'em.

Captain Peacock: Hmm?

Miss Brahms: Bras, I mean.

Captain Peacock: I'm sure it's against staff regulations. But still, I'm always prepared to look the other way.

Miss Brahms: Yeah, you could've fooled me.

• Mrs Slocombe: Mr Lucas has got a customer. Oh, I am glad!

Miss Brahms: Yeah. Bet he doesn't sell 'em anything, though.

Mrs Slocombe: Oh, it is a shame. He's so obliging. And he's such a gentleman. You know, yesterday, when we were trapped in the lift, alone, together, he didn't try anything.

Miss Brahms: Didn't he?

Mrs Slocombe: No. He just pressed the alarm bell and shouted for help.

• Mr Lucas: "Dear Sexy Knickers..."

Mr Humphries: Oh, that's subtle.

Mr Lucas: Well, if you don't ask, you don't get, do ya? "I don't half-fancy you."

Mr Humphries: Well, I'm glad to see romance isn't dead.

Mr Lucas: "Meet me outside at 5:30 and we'll get it together."

Mr Humphries: Outside at 5:30? You'll be run in.

• Mr Humphries: Now, you've heard of putting the boot in. This is what's known, in the trade as putting the knee in. You see, you put it over like that.

Mr Lucas: Very crafty!

Mr Humphries: And you pull, until you break all the stitches. If you listen, you can hear them go.

Mr Lucas: There's a trick in every trade.

Mr Humphries: Well, the trick in this, Mr Lucas, is to make sure that the customer gets it home before the sleeve drop off.

• Mrs Slocombe: Now, that's something I just can't understand. Why anybody wants to buy a women's magazine with a picture of a nude man in it. Oh, I think it's awful.

Miss Brahms: I thought Burt Reynolds looked quite sexy.

Mrs Slocombe: Well, you couldn't see anything. His arm was in the way.

• Mr Lucas: Well, it was like this, you see, Mr Peacock. My customer's crotch was too tight and I was trying to stretch it. Them! I was - I was - I was trying to stretch them, sir.

Captain Peacock: You seem to have succeeded beyond your wildest dreams.

• Captain Peacock: Do you encourage your assistants to try to stretch trousers when they don't fit?

Mr Grainger: Most certainly not! Do we, Mr Humphries?

Mr Humphries: Certainly not, Mr Grainger! We give them the same pair back and say we found a larger size.

• Mr Grainger: What was your customer's waist measurement?

Mr Lucas: A tight 34.

Mr Grainger: Inside leg?

Mr Lucas: Ticklish 28.

• Mr Rumbold: Do you mean to say that, you, yourself actually tore these trousers because we hadn't got a larger size? Now, what was this? Temper?

Mr Lucas: Well, no, no, no. No, sir! You know, you see, it was like this, you see, sir. Mr Humphries kneed the jacket.

Mr Rumbold: Ah! You mean Mr Humphries needed the jacket. Let's get our tenses right.

Mr Humphries: No, no, you don't understand, sir. No, you see, I kneed the jacket.

Mr Rumbold: You need it now?

Mr Humphries: No, I kneed it then.

Mr Rumbold: You mean, you needed it then.

Captain Peacock: If I might clarify the situation.

Mr Rumbold: Thank you, Captain Peacock. It does seem to have got rather out of hand.

Captain Peacock: Yes, it's a matter of spelling, sir.

Mr Rumbold: Spelling.

Captain Peacock: Yes, sir, you spelled need with an "n". Mr Humphries was using a "k".

Mr Rumbold: Oh, you mean, like kneading dough! Is that it, Mr Lucas?

Mr Lucas: That's it, yes! I needed the dough, but he wouldn't want the jacket because it was too tight!

Mr Rumbold: So, you kneaded it, to make it more supple, which was why you kneaded the jacket. You made a call, Captain Peacock. That is what I said in the first place.

Captain Peacock: Nearly right, so, yes. What they're trying to explain, sir, is that - and coming from hardware, you would not be aware of this, but there is a method used - and I disapprove of it myself, sir. There is a method used to enlarge the armholes of jackets. And the method used is to knee the jacket, with a "k".

Mr Rumbold: I am aware of how you spell "jacket," Captain Peacock.

• Captain Peacock: Now then, sir, if you will listen carefully. I take the jacket so and I pull so.

Mr Rumbold: I can't hear any stitches going.

Mr Humphries: Perhaps it's already been done.

Captain Peacock: What makes you say that?

Mr Humphries: Well, I sold it to you.

• Mr Rumbold: Yes, well, I think we'll deduct the cost of these trousers from this week's commission, Mr Lucas. And judging by your sales record, from next week's commission. And the week after that, too.

• Mrs Slocombe: Well, as I was saying, I don't get out much, nowadays. Since Mr Slocombe's no longer living at home, I mean, it's very difficult for a woman on her own. I mean, you can't just go down to the pub for a quick drink with all those men ooglin' at you, can you? Well, not more than twice a week, anyway.

• Mr Humphries: Is everything all right, Mr Grainger?

Mr Grainger: Some lady says she wants to have me on the carpet.

Mr Humphries: It must be meant for self-furnishings.

• Captain Peacock: Now, I have here a billhead from this department on which is written, "Dear Sexy Knickers, I don't half-fancy you. Meet me outside at half past five and we'll get it together." Now, then, it is my duty as head of this department to ask each one of you if you wrote this note. Mr Grainger, did you write it?

Mr Grainger: I don't even understand it.

Mr Humphries: Mr Grainger wouldn't say "Dear Sexy Knickers." You'd say "Dear Sexy Bloomers." Wouldn't you, Mr. Grainger?

Mr Grainger: I very much doubt it.