Married... with Children/Al Bundy
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Al Bundy is played by Ed O'Neill, and appears in all 259 episodes of the show, achieving First Billing in all of them.
- Al's Wife chant (from Honey, I Blew up Myself (S8E15))
I've seen her from the front, I've seen her from the back.
I've seen her in a chair, I've seen her in a sack.
I've seen her stand, I've seen her crouch.
I've seen her on her stupid couch.
I do not like her in the mall, I do not like her in the hall.
I do not like her in my life, I do not like my big red wife!
- Al Bundy's Christmas story (from It's a Bundyful Life (1) (S4E12))
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
no food was a stirring, not even a mouse.
Stockings were hung 'round Dad's neck like a tie,
along with a note that said "presents or die".
Children were plotting all night in their beds,
while the wife's constant whining was splitting his head.
But Daddy had money this year in the bank,
then they closed up early, now Dad's in the tank.
...and all of a sudden Santa appeared,
a sneer on his face, booze in his beard.
"Santa...", I said as he laughed merrily,
"You do so much for others, do something for me."
"Bundy..." he said, "you only sell shoes",
"Your son is a sneak-thief, your daughters' a flooze".
"Ho Ho..." Santa said, "should I mention your wife,
"Her hair's like an a-bomb, her nails' like a knife".
As he climbs up the chimney, that fat piece of dung,
he mooned me two times, he stuck out his tongue.
And I heard him exclaim, as he broke wind with glee:
You're married with children, you'll never be free."