King of the Hill/I Never Promised You an Organic Garden

I Never Promised You an Organic Garden
Season 7, Episode 18
Airdate	April 13, 2003
Production Number	7ABE14
Written by	Tony Gama-Lobo & Rebecca May
Directed by	Adam Kuhlman
← 7x17 The Good Buck	7x19 → Be True to Your Fool
King of the Hill — Season Seven

I Never Promised You an Organic Garden is the eighteenth episode of the seventh season of King of the Hill, and the one hundred forty-fourth episode overall.

Starring: Mike Judge (Hank Hill, Boomhauer), Kathy Najimy (Peggy Hill), Pamela S. Adlon (Bobby Hill), Brittany Murphy (credit only), Johnny Hardwick (Dale Gribble)

and Stephen Root (Bill Dauterive, Coach)

Also Starring: Dennis Burkley (Principal Moss), David Herman (Mr. Tomich, Rick), Monica Keena (Rain, Maria), Phil LaMarr (Coach Webb), Martin Starr (Andrew, Tommy)

Plot Overview

Peggy volunteers to take over teaching for Tom Landry's organic garden. It's a hit with the football team, but Hank offers to help when it starts to go bad and Principal Moss threatens to shut it down.

Meanwhile, the other guys attempt to cultivate guano.

Notes

Stinger Quote

Hank: Is there anything beer can't do?

Trivia

Allusions and References

• The episode's title is a play on the 1977 film I Never Promised You a Rose Garden.

• Two of the garden students are clearly Star Wars as they pretend to fight with swords (lightsabers) and one claims to try to protect Queen Amidala (from The Phantom Menace) from the dark side.

• Bobby observes the size of a tomato and how far it would reach if Gallagher smashed it, as smashing watermelons was part of his comedy routine.

Memorable Moments

• As Peggy pours beer into the pan for the snails, you can see Maria's hand in the background take one of the cans.

Quotes

• Bobby: Hey, are you subbing today?

Peggy: Bobby, you know I am. You left me that message that they want me to sub for Italian.

Bobby: Uh, no. I wanted an Italian sub for lunch.

Peggy: Well, I'm all dressed up. I... I guess I could just shelve books at the library till they throw me out.

• Hank: You'd rather work in an organic garden than participate in the Presidential Fitness Test? Where's your patriotism, boy?

Bobby: I hate doing the flexed-arm hang in front of everyone. They call me T-Rex because my arms can't support my weight.

• Bobby: (wearing a top hat, cape, and waving a wand) Hey, dad, want to see me--?

Hank: No.

Bobby: But you don't know what I--

Hank: No.

• Maria: Mister Tomich did everything himself. Sometimes we picked stuff. Mostly we just sat around and whatever.

Peggy: Well, there will be no "whatevering" in Mrs Hill's garden.

• Hank: You know, I got to admit, Peggy, this stuff looks so good I might have to became a vegetarian. (chuckles) Not really.

• Dale: What exactly are you trying to do, Hank? Turn our school into some sort of bohemian Montessori love-fest?

Hank: No, it's not like that. It's not like the organic gardening they did at Jonestown.

• Principal Moss: Peggy, I got to tell you, my job would be a lot easier if you weren't feeding worms to the football team. I got to call this garden thing off.

Peggy: No, you can't do that!

Bobby: Oh, man. I was practically on the football team.

Hank: Now, hold on, Carl. Can I remind you of the time the school board wanted to fire a certain principal for growing a ponytail?

Principal Moss: Well, Hank, that was a long time ago.

Hank: A lot of us said, "Yeah, he looks like a jackass, but he deserves another chance," and that's all we're asking for.

Principal Moss: (sighs) You got two weeks.

Player: Hey, Coach, I don't feel so... (vomits)

Principal Moss: One week.

• Hank: Don't worry, Peggy, we'll turn that garden around. I have never seen a problem teamwork couldn't fix.

• Hank: Why does every book about organic gardens have naked people in it?

• Peggy: Listen to this: "Snails are attracted to the smell of beer. They will follow the scent, fall into the beer, and drown." Just like Judy Garland.

• Hank: Well, I'm forming a team. The Garden Team. And you're all my first-round draft picks.

Bobby: All right! I'm playing for my dad! With your permission, I'd like to lead us in a cheer. Give me a--

Hank: Permission denied.

• Dale: Oh, God, we've awakened a sleeping, pooping giant!

• Hank: And I already thanked God for a bountiful harvest. He must think I'm an idiot.

• Dale: I had to burn my favourite Levis and a hat that was perfectly moulded to my head.

• Hank: I don't think so. These kids have worked hard and this is what's going to happen. They're going to harvest their vegetables, you guys are going to eat 'em, and then you're going to say thank you.

Rick: Move 'em, Hank. These cupcakes don't belong on the football field.

Hank: You guys know I can play running back, but I can block, too. As I recall, Rick, you were a tennis player, right?