King of the Hill/Death and Texas

Death and Texas
Season 3, Episode 22
Airdate	April 27, 1999
Production Number	3ABE20
Written by	John Altschuler & Dave Krinsky
Directed by	Wes Archer
← 3x21 Revenge of the Lutefisk	3x23 → Wings of the Dope
King of the Hill — Season Three

Death and Texas is the twenty-second episode of the third season of King of the Hill, and the fifty-seventh episode overall.

Starring: Mike Judge (Hank Hill, Boomhauer), Kathy Najimy (Peggy Hill), Pamela Segall Adlon (Bobby Hill), Brittany Murphy (Luanne Platter), Johnny Hardwick (Dale Gribble)

and Toby Huss (Wesley Martin Archer, Prison Guard)

Also Starring: Glenn Lucas (Prison Guard)

Uncredited: Stephen Root (Bill Dauterive, Warden)

Plot Overview

Peggy visits a former student now on death row, oblivious that she is being used as a drug mule.

Notes

Stinger Quote

Bobby: My Sloppy Joe is all Sloppy and no Joe.

Trivia

The Show

• One of the names on the warden's executioner list is co-writer and executive story editor John Altschuler.

Behind the Scenes

• The character of Wesley Martin Archer is named after a combination of the show's supervising director/storyboard artist (and episode director) Wes Archer and character layout supervisor/retake director Martin Archer.

Allusions and References

• Another name on the executioner list is Alex DeLarge, the main character of the novel and subsequent film adaptation A Clockwork Orange.

• When trying on the gloves, Dale hums the theme to Sanford and Son.

Memorable Moments

• Peggy and Hank weeping as they join an oblivious Bobby in a game of whack-a-mole.

Quotes

• Hank: You're not thinking of going into a prison, are you?

Peggy: Hank, I am a substitute teacher. I flit in and out of people's lives and I never know if I've made a difference. With this boy, I did make an impact.

Hank: Uh, he's in prison, Peggy.

• Hank: Dang it, Peggy, some of these guys haven't seen a woman since they killed their wives.

• Boomhauer: I tell you what, Hank, man. She just like a dang ol' Susan Sarandon in that movie, man. With Spicoli man talkin' about tasty waves, cool buzz, you know.

Hank: Are you just going to joke your way through your entire life, Boomhauer?

Dale: Don't snap at Boomhauer just because you're losing control of your woman. Believe me, Hank, if you don't stop it here, the next step will be cutting your allowance.

Bill: Oh, you can't rein Peggy in, Dale. Peggy's like a wild mare. She needs to run free, her chestnut mane blowing in the wind, flanks glistening with sweat. (off Hank's look) I'll stop now.

• Dale: Executioning. For us exterminators, that's the major league.

• Peggy: Who'd you kill?

Wesley Archer: I killed myself. At least I might as well have, as bad as I feel about it. One night, I went with my buddy Ray over to his friend's house, only he wasn't home. So I gave Ray a boost up to the window. He couldn't climb up and hold his gun at the same time. That's why we were there - to return his friend's gun.

Peggy: Mm-hmm. I can see where this is going. Go on.

Wesley Archer: So we get inside and turns out the guy was home. He was screaming, alarms were ringing and when a guy yells "Don't shoot," believe me, it has the opposite effect. I just panicked and next thing I know, his head was blown off.

Peggy: Well, it would be a comedy of errors if it wasn't so tragic.

• Peggy: Hank, I'm a teacher. I sell knowledge and it doesn't matter to who. Whom.

Hank: Even murderers?

Peggy: You work with propane. That kills people.

Hank: Only when used by people that don't know how to handle it and I know how to handle it!

Peggy: And I know how to handle myself! I am not some corset-wearing lady who passes out with the vapours at the drop of a hat or a sudden garroting.

• Dale: My word is my bond, sir, due to the fact the state wouldn't bond me. Or insure me.

• Dale: Where's Old Sparky?

Warden: Old Sparky's been put out to pasture. We use lethal injection.

Dale: Okay, then where's Old Squirty? Dead is dead. I don't care how we get there.

• Bobby: Uh, mom, you're covering up my essay on why pollution is bad. It got a "shows improvement."

Hank: (loudly) Sorry, Bobby, but I guess we're just gonna have to murder somebody if we want your mom's attention.

Bobby: Okay.

• Dale: (to shopper) Excuse me. Do you know if these gloves are good for killing a man?

• Hank: Smuggling cocaine? That's got to be illegal, Peggy.

• Hank: He's not going to turn you in. He's just bluffing. He has nothing to gain.

Peggy: Well, he has nothing to lose, either. Hank, there's no row after death row.

• Hank: Murderers are just bullies. If you stand up to them, they always crumble.

• Hank: (answering phone) You, huh? Well, you're not getting any more of your funny timer sand and you're going to leave my wife alone. Uh-huh. No, your ass is mine because we've got a plan. Sure we do! It's a terrific plan. We discarded two perfectly good plans when we came up with this great one.

(hangs up)

Peggy: Why didn't you tell me about our terrific plan?

Hank: Peggy, I made that up.

Peggy: And the other two plans?

(Hank shakes his head)

• Hank: Look, just go to the warden and tell him you were naive and that Wes tricked you.

Peggy: I can't. They made me watch a short film about the danger of smuggling things in to the prisoners. It was called Don't Be A Mule. (crying) I even got 100% on the test they gave me afterward.

• Hank: Hey, what would happen if we just gave Wes a brick of regular timer sand?

Peggy: Well, we can't do that. He's going to deal this batch to the Aryan Brotherhood. If they think he tried to pull a fast one...

Hank: They would make a pincushion out of him.

Peggy: Unless he tastes it. He always tasted the timer sand when I brought it in. I didn't think anything of it at the time. He always said it was very good timer sand. "Primo."

• Hank: So, uh, I guess it's this convict's word against my wife's. Now, let's see, who can we trust? Peggy, have you ever decapitated anyone?

Peggy: No, I don't believe I have. How about you, Wes? Have you ever done anything that caused a man's head to come off?

• Peggy: Well, I guess someone owes me an apology.

Hank: I wouldn't hold your breath. I don't think Wes even apologised for those people he killed.

Peggy: I was talking about you.

Hank: Oh. I'm sorry.

Peggy: Do you even know what you're apologising for?

Hank: No, I'm sorry, but I don't.

Peggy: I accept. You apologised because you said I couldn't take care of myself and I can. So there.

Hank: All right. I thought it had something to do with the prison.