King of the Hill/Dang Ol' Love

Dang Ol' Love
Season 6, Episode 20
Airdate	May 5, 2002
Production Number	6ABE17
Written by	Dean Young
Directed by	Gary McCarver
← 6x19 Sug Night	6x21/22 → Returning Japanese
King of the Hill — Season Six

Dang Ol' Love is the twentieth episode of the sixth season of King of the Hill, and the one hundred twenty-fourth episode overall.

Starring: Mike Judge (Hank Hill, Boomhauer, Mee-Maw), Kathy Najimy (Peggy Hill), Pamela Segall Adlon (Bobby Hill, Paper Boy, Crossing Guard), Brittany Murphy (Luanne Platter, Ice Cream Lady), Johnny Hardwick (Dale Gribble)

and Stephen Root (Bill Dauterive, Steven, Woman Convict)

Also Starring: Laura Linney (Marlene)

Plot Overview

Boomhauer sweeps a woman away from Bill and finds he's so eager to hit and quit.

Notes

Stinger Quote

Dale: Pretend you're asleep so they can make out.

Music

• Dido - "Thank You"

• Hear - "Barracuda"

Quotes

• Hank: Well, let's face it. We've been down the imaginary friend road before. There were those guys you claimed you played soccer with. Larry and Wayne.

Bill: You know, Larry and Wayne may have been imaginary, but they were a lot more supportive than you.

Dale: You didn't hear what they were saying behind your back.

• Hank: Remember when you fell in love with that speed skater on the Wheaties box? Turns out she was real, too, but that didn't make her your girlfriend.

Bill: Look, in a perfect world, we could both be married to Peggy. But this is reality and I have to find someone here.

• Dale: Bill, I'm gonna help you win her over. Here's a sure-fire way to sweep her off her feet. You will tend to her wounds.

Bill: What wounds?

Dale: The one she got from falling in the hole.

Bill: What hole?

Dale: The hole you dug in the alley.

Bill: But I didn't dig a hole in the alley.

Dale: Not yet.

Bill: Oh! Huh?

Dale: Look, we will dig a minefield of some 20-odd holes. She'll fall, twist her ankle, and you will come to her rescue with the first-aid kit of love.

Hank: Bill, you've got enough problems without this lady suing you.

• Luanne: She's not coming back, honey.

Bobby: 'Course she is. She's Mister Boomhauer's girlfriend.

Luanne: Let's see, how can I explain this? You know how you can be happy eating vanilla ice cream day after day after day? Well, Mister Boomhauer isn't just like that. See, he likes to try different flavours.

Bobby: But he can have a new flavour every day. He's dating the ice cream lady.

Luanne: Mister Boomhauer had grown-up sex with the ice cream lady and now he's dumped her. You're never gonna have ice cream again, Bobby.

• Dale: This'll be great. Nancy and I have been dying for another couple to hang out with.

Bill: What about Hank and Peggy?

Dale: Between you and me, I've run out of things to say to that woman.

• Bill: After all I did for her, all these holes I dug, he just comes in here with his "dang ol' this" and his "dang ol' that" and he steals her away from me!

• Bill: All he's gonna do is give her one night of marathon lovemaking. I would have given her the same amount of love, but stretched out over a lifetime.

• Bill: I'm Bill Dauterive and I'd be honoured if I could have some of your hair for my collection.

Hank: What are you doing?

Bill: I am flirting.

• Bobby: I got to walk eight blocks to Carter's Market now and get my ice cream. Why am I in the middle of this?!

Hank: I bet Bobby wishes Boomhauer dumped the asparagus lady. (laughs) Uh, there's not really an asparagus lady, Peggy. It's, uh, funny.

Peggy: Oh! Oh, okay. So you think Boomhauer's promiscuity is amusing?

Hank: Uh, not really.

Peggy: "Not really"? So, what then? Do his stories entertain you? Does hearing about his bedroom antics excite you? Is that how you get your freak on?

Hank: My what? No! No! I... I... I love you.

Peggy: I'll leave you alone with your dirty thoughts.

• Bill: (after Boomhauer pushes him into the pool) This is a digital watch. I could have been electrocuted.

• Dale: I'm not leaving without my urine. I left it sitting in the toilet.

• Hank: I saw this news promo last night that said something's going on in restaurant kitchens that might really surprise us, but then I fell asleep. Boomhauer, you stay up late. Are rude customers really getting more than they bargained for?

• Hank: I remember when I fell in love with Peggy. I'll never forget that first handshake. I wanted it to last forever.

• Peggy: Bill is picking on Boomhauer? He hasn't done that since he had hair.

Dale: We gotta do something. The alley was balanced before. A cool single guy and a cool married guy, a loser single guy and a loser married guy. Now it's me and three losers!

• Peggy: If you think for one second that I am gonna stand by while you go on a floozy hunt for Boomhauer. Why--

Hank: Peggy, do you want another Bill on your hands?

Peggy: Take my car. It's a chick magnet.

• Dale: Do that thing where you compliment them and they come home with you.

Hank: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I once told Peggy her hair looked nice. She still mentions it.

• Bill: I know how dark it is for you right now. Curled up, lying in your own emotional vomit. You're in Hell now, Boomhauer. And the only way out is through a long, dark tunnel. And you're afraid to go in because there's a train coming at you, carrying a boxcar full of heartbreak. Well, let me tell you something. All you can do is let it hit you and then try to find your legs. Mm-hmm. I know. I've taken that hit more times than I can remember. Look at me, Boomhauer. I'm fat and I'm old, and every day I'm just gonna wake up fatter and older. But, somehow, I manage to drag this fat old bald bastard out into the alley every day. I'm out there, digging holes, falling into them climbing out, trying again. And tomorrow I'm gonna hang outside at a lady's prison. And the first thing those lady cons are gonna see after 20 years is me. Will I get one? Experience says no. Will I be out there next month? If I'm alive, you better believe it. You gotta get right back up on that tanning bed, slip into a tight T-shirt, wash off some of that cologne and get yourself out of that tunnel and into some strange woman's bed!

• Dale: He's gonna make some lucky lady very happy. Then very, very sad.