Bottom/Smells

Smells
Season 1, Episode 1
Airdate	September 17, 1991
Production Number	101
Written by	Rik Mayall, Adrian Edmondson
Directed by	Ed Bye
— N/A	1x02 → Gas
Bottom — Season One

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Smells is the first episode of Bottom.

Depressing failures with women have Richie and Eddie considering a personal ad in the local paper, and while reading it find an ad for pheromone spray that they believe will improve their chances.

Starring:

Guest Starring: Kevin McNally (Sex Shop Shopkeeper), Clive Mantle (Husband), Harriet Thorpe (Wife), Cindy Shelley

and Carla Mendonça (Women)

Plot Overview

Richie and Eddie return home after another depressing night down the pub trying to pick up women and failing miserably. Richie is beginning to think that he is never going to get the chance to 'do it' until Eddie suggests that he puts an ad in the local paper. This idea revitalizes Richie and after a comparably unsuccessful attempt at working out what to put in a personal ad he begins to read through the dating pages of the local rag, spotting an ad for a pheromone spray that women are unable to resist.

One embarrassing trip to the sex shop later they are equipped with cans of the spray, and in preparing to go out apply it liberally. Being chased by a pack of dogs on the way into the pub inspires them both with confidence ("When they said female I didn't expect the term to be so broad!") and Richie immediately tries to pull a girl at the bar by standing near her and waving his jacket and tie around in an attempt to waft the pheromones towards her; serving to convince her he is mad which saves him from a night in the hospital delivered by her husband. Completely missing her lack of interest in him Richie is still convinced if it wasn't for her husband he would have been successful.

They go on to behave in a similarly strange way towards a pair of women at a table, who are subjected to Richie's terrible social skills until they reveal they're not only uninterested, but lesbians as well. By closing time, Eddie has inhaled a large amount of the spray and confuses Richie for an attractive girl - cornered between the dogs outside the pub and an advancing Eddie, the final shot in the episode is of Richie punching Eddie in the face.

Trivia

Memorable Moments

• Richie brainstorming what to put in a personal ad, culminating in "Musky, musky fox....Musky, sly old foxy stoat...Minky, musky, sly old stoaty stoaty stoat...oh this is ridiculous!"
• Eddie shaving his tongue.
• The condom vending machine featured Banana, Strawberry, Peanut Butter, Marmite or Cheese and Onion flavours.

Quotes

Richie: What happened there!? I don't understand it, I made all the right moves, I winked, I smiled - was one of my nice ones as well! - I sat down, very nicely, leant forward, put on my special eyes and said: "Hello Big-tits. Looking for some action?"

Eddie: I don't think they were lesbians Richie, cause they got off with those other blokes. Those, eh, handsomer, wittier, well basically those guys didn't have a load of toilet paper stuffed down the front of their trousers.

Richie: Yeah well you hardly helped did you, stuffing a vimto bottle down the front of your pants and shouting "wooo looking for the eiffel tower, girls?"

Eddie: I got a result!

Richie: I don't call a kick in the knackers a result!

Richie: Nearest I ever got to sex, that bus driver sneezing all over my head this morning. God, talk about the green line...

Richie: Uh-oh. Nose hair *clicks fingers* tweezers.

Eddie: What do you mean *clicks fingers* tweezers? We've never had any *clicks fingers* tweezers.

Richie: Well get some *clicks fingers* pliers then!

Eddie: Have me! Have me, I'm a love albatross!