Bottom/Contest

Contest
Season 1, Episode 3
Airdate	September 30, 1991
Production Number	103
Written by	Rik Mayall Adrian Edmondson
Directed by	Ed Bye
← 1x02 Gas	1x04 → Apocalypse
Bottom — Season One

This article about an episode needs to be expanded with more information. Please help out by editing it.

Contest is the third episode of the first season of Bottom.

Starring:

Guest Starring:

Plot Overview

Richie is alone in the flat, and we soon learn he is plotting to pull off a phony suicide in order to guilt-trip Eddie into buying him a drink. Hearing eddie enter the front door, he puts the suicide note on the table and starts using the oven to gas himself. Eddie enters, takes off his jacket, drops his suitcase on the table covering Richie's note and starts reading the newspaper, stopping only to look over and roll his eyes when Richie starts coughing. Thwarted, Richie pulls himself coughing out of the oven and finds out Eddie's dole has been stopped, leaving them with £11.80 to last them the next two months - well, 30p as Eddie has bought a secondhand copy of Parade for £1.50.

Richie serves dinner, it being a disgusting collection of overgrilled scraps (the bacon being mistaken for lettuce). Eddie declares it disgusting and sits down to watch TV, so out of spite Richie pretends to want to watch something else on the other side, swearing to himself when he discovers Eddie planned on watching Miss World but keeping at it. Eventually, the penny drops for Richie that £1.50 from £11.80 is not 30p, and Eddie tells him he bet the other £10 on Miss World, so they end up watching it.

In the end, they lose the bet (Eddie choosing to make one with odds of 1000:1 not a helpful factor) and with Richie dejected, Eddie tells him there never was a bet on; he had just made that up because he knew Richie would insist they watched it. Not only that, but he reveals he'd seen Richie cooking in the morning and so spent the missing £10 on a tasty meal for himself.

Trivia

The Show

• The first episode that takes place entirely within the flat and with no supporting cast.

Memorable Moments

• Eddie's "magic touch" - when there's bad reception on the TV, he hits it in a precise looking way and it fixes itself. Richie attempts it and it explodes, tripping the circuit breaker.
• Richie using himself in place of fuse wire

Quotes

Richie: So, we 've only got £11.80 to last us for the next two months?

Eddie: Nope, we have 30p and a secondhand copy of "Parade"!

Richie: What?

Eddie: It's an investment! Look, I got it for £1.50, and originally it only cost a shilling! The value of these things is just skyrocketing!

Eddie: And what's this?

Richie: It's a turnip! What are you, missing the label?

Eddie: Why is it black?

Richie: It's been grilled!

Eddie: What's this?

Richie: Elm tea. The gypsies swear by it.

Eddie: I bet they do, I bet they say "what the bloody hell's this?"

Richie: Right that's it get out of my house!

Eddie: I beg your pardon?

Richie: You heard!

Eddie: No I didn't.

Richie: Well I'm not saying something like that twice young man!

Eddie: Well I can't do anything about it then can I?

Richie: Do you know how many birds there are in the world?

Eddie: Yeah about three billion.

Richie: Do you know how many of those I've slept with?

Eddie: Yep.

Richie: None.

Eddie: Yeah I know.

Richie: I mean statistically that's really quite phenomenal isn't it?

Eddie: Not for an ugly fat bastard like you, no.