King of the Hill/Luanne, Version 2.0

Luanne, Version 2.0
Season 5, Episode 15
Airdate	March 11, 2001
Production Number	5ABE16
Written by	Kit Boss
Directed by	Adam Kuhlman
← 5x14 The Exterminator	5x16 → Hank's Choice
King of the Hill — Season Five

Luanne, Version 2.0 is the fifteenth episode of the fifth season of King of the Hill, and the ninety-ninth episode overall.

Starring: Mike Judge (Hank Hill, Boomhauer, Dooley), Kathy Najimy (Peggy Hill, Barbara), Pamela Segall Adlon (Bobby Hill), Brittany Murphy (Luanne Platter), Johnny Hardwick (Dale Gribble, Zack)

and Stephen Root (Bill Dauterive, Larry)

Also Starring: Ashley Gardner (Reverend Stroup, Nancy Gribble), Nathan Fillion (Frisbee Guy), Lauren Tom (Connie Souphanousinphone)

Special Guest Voice: Owen Wilson (Rhett Van Der Graaf)

Plot Overview

As Luanne becomes a born again virgin, she learns that Peggy had sex before marrying Hank.

Notes

Stinger Quote

Hank: The Van Der Graafs.

Seen, But Not Heard

• Clark Peters

Music

• Royal Crown Revue - "Hey, Pachuco!"

• Glenn Miller - "Moonlight Serenade"

Arc Advancement

Characters

• Luanne, who's had sex with four previous men, becomes a born again virgin with the pledge not to have sex before marriage.

• It's revealed that Peggy had sex before marrying Hank, which she kept from him. This upsets Hank when he learns, but the issue is resolved when Peggy goes through the process of becoming a born again virgin.

Quotes

• Zack: No hard feelings, but it's over, Linda.

Luanne: Linda? That's not how my name is pronounced.

• Peggy: Oh, honey. Honey, please don't feel bad. It makes your uncle uncomfortable.

• Luanne: If Zack had told me he was gonna act like such a butt, I would have never slept with him.

Hank: You what? Oh, no! So that means you're not--

Luanne: Uncle Hank, I quit being a virgin the first time I had sex.

Hank: Nobody likes a quitter, Luanne.

• Reverend Stroup: Well, you were right. She has sinned. But if young people like Luanne didn't sin, I'd be out of a job. Seriously, Luanne, there is a way to restore your purity.

Peggy: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. She's listening.

• Reverend Stroup: Mister Hill, a celibacy sponsor is like an offensive lineman for the virgin quarterback. The other team is gonna be coming on strong, so Luanne needs you to get out there and block. Or she may very well get sacked.

Hank: Huh. Well, that's not in the Bible, but it should be.

• Reverend Stroup: Okay, people. Who's ready to engage in a frank and open discussion of fornication?

Hank: May I remind you that there is a poster of Jesus behind that ping-pong table?

• Larry: We're going to kick things off today by testifying to the number of sexual partners each of us has had. Four. So close to five.

• Rhett: I had just one, too. But we weren't married. I hate myself. I was getting a massage...

Larry: This sort of thing happens every day. A young man, naked in a massage parlour--

Rhett: Whoa, whoa, no. No, sir. No, sir. I wasn't at a massage parlour. I was at an arts and crafts fair. I took my shirt off. Stupid, stupid Rhett. Then she put me face down on this padded... I don't know what, a sex chair, and started rubbing my shoulders. And then she brushed against me. And she smelled so good. I felt this... I felt this... And then... and then I... sinned my pants.

Larry: Oh, that's not losing your virginity. All you lost was... those pants.

Hank: Uh, I mostly work with propane, so why don't I just go do that?

• Peggy: Luanne, it was my very best male friend, Wayne Trotter. People always thought we were going steady, but there'd never been anything romantic between us until one day we were at Pier 1. He sat me down in a wicker chair and took my hand. He had beautiful hands. And he said to me, "Peggy, I think I might be gay." And this was back when being gay in Texas was not as fun as it is today. We decided that the only way to know for sure was to test him with Peggy Platter. So, we went back to Wayne's house, gently pushed aside his decorative throw pillows and then... Oh, yeah.

Luanne: Did you fix him?

Peggy: Oh, no, Luanne. He was not broken. Just gay. Very, very gay.

• Peggy: I just feel so terrible. I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I have already lost a pound.

Nancy: You look wonderful, sug.

Peggy: I agree. Normally, I would say so with a lot more enthusiasm, but I am under a lot of stress.

• Luanne: I need to talk to you and "your peer group" about your virginity.

Connie: I am not having sex until at least my sophomore year at Harvard.

Bobby: You heard her. Not until our sophomore year at Harvard.

• Luanne: Your virginity is in danger now! You need to sign this abstinence pledge card before you discover how wonderful sex feels.

Dooley: Keep talking.

• Rhett: You wanna bowl? It's totally not a sin.

• Bill: Who wants to play miniature golf Friday night? $2 off.

Boomhauer: Yo.

Hank: Sorry, but that's the night of the Abstinence Dance. I promised Luanne I'd help her and Rhett chaperone. You know, make sure the kids have a good time but not a great one.

Dale: Well, you go to your prissy little dance. Me and the boys are going to the putt-putt range. My sources tell me that that bully no longer works there.

• Hank: Luanne, you barely know this guy.

Luanne: Yeah, but we have so much in common. Umm... We are both virgins. In fact, that's how we met.

Hank: Yes, yes, I know. I introduced you, two days ago.

Luanne: And each day has been better than the one before.

• Luanne: Don't you want me to get married?

Peggy: Of course I do, honey. But not to Rhett. When we meet the right guy for you, we'll know.

Luanne: I may be a virgin, but I have been around the block a few times and I know when someone's talking down at me.

Peggy: I am just trying to protect you from your feelings, thoughts, and instincts.

• Luanne: I know that this is difficult for you, Aunt Peggy, but you should be proud of me. I'm going to be the first Platter woman to walk down the aisle a virgin.

Hank: You watch it, young lady! Your aunt and I never--

Luanne: No, no, no. Before she met you. With Wayne Trotter.

Hank: Peggy?

Peggy: Well, it's true.

(Hank screams)

Peggy: He's gay now, if that makes you feel any better.

(Hanks screams again)

Peggy: No. Of course it doesn't.

• Peggy: Well, you never told me about all your - your wild escapades when you worked at Jeans West.

Hank: I told you about the time I put on the gigantic pair of khakis and pretended I was tiny. I was very up front about it.

• Luanne: Save your breath, Aunt Peggy. Nothing you could say can stop me from becoming Mrs Rhett Platter. Yes, I am keeping my last name. See, I was afraid I wouldn't like your last name.

Rhett: It's Van Der Graaf.

Luanne: Oh, I love it! I'm going to be Mrs Rhett Van Der Graaf. I'm going to be Mrs Van Der Graaf!

Hank: The Van Der Graafs.

Peggy: Hank, she did not know his last name.

Hank: Well, at least he told her his last name before they got married. He didn't spring it on her 20 years later.

• Luanne: Aunt Peggy was right. We were just getting married so we could fornicate without you and God getting mad at us. But you and Aunt Peggy are the ones who should be fornicatin'.